IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary forgovernments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disgaree with this opinion ?

#countries #people #health #food #forgovernments #tax #disgaree
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There are some countries where more and more
people
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 are facing health problems
due to
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 bad diets,
such
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 as fast
food
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. It is believed that the government must interfere by applying a higher
tax
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 on
this
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 sort of
food
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. I agree with
this
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 idea because fast
food
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 is very cheap compared to healthy
food
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, and imposing a higher
tax
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 on
this
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 type of meal is an effective way to encourage healthy eating. Undoubtedly, the price of
food
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 is a strong driver of eating decisions. In general, fast
food
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 is cheaper than any other kind of meal, and some
people
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 prefer unhealthy diets because of these
costs
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.
In addition
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, as the name indicates,
this
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 kind of
food
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 is faster to order, make, and eat.
On the other hand
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, good and variable foods are more difficult to find, more expensive, and take time to prepare.
For example
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, in my country, a sandwich in a fast
food
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 chain restaurant
costs
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 about 5 dollars,
while
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 a main course containing rice, beans, vegetables, and animal protein
costs
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 at least 10 dollars, which means double.
However
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, only raising the
tax
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 on unhealthy
food
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 is not enough to change
food
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 habits. It would create a serious problem for poor
people
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 to get
food
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. It is necessary to reduce the
tax
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 on fresh and natural
food
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.
Besides
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, the markets and restaurants should be motivated to provide organic
food
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instead
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 of fast
food
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that public authorities must estimate the number of
people
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 eating better, whether by increasing taxes on harmful foods or decreasing taxes and
costs
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 of good meals because habits of eating have a reflection on public health systems.
Submitted by fmulato on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction directly addresses the question, stating your position clearly. Expand your conclusion to reiterate your stance and summarize your main points, suggesting specific action or reflecting on the implications.
Task Achievement
Develop paragraphs with clear central ideas, supported by detailed examples or evidence. While some examples are provided, they could be more specific and directly related to the question to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance logical flow by using cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay to link ideas, paragraphs, and sentences. Employ a variety of these devices to avoid repetition and make your writing more sophisticated.
Coherence & Cohesion
In conclusion, consider restating the thesis statement and summarizing the main arguments briefly, thus providing a clear closure to the essay.
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