IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays more and more people have access to the Internet. But constant availability of any information worsens people’s memory and critical thinking skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #access #internet #availability #information #people’s #memory #skills
Opinion is divided when it comes to the negative influences
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 endemic access to the
internet
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 inflicted on
people
's
memory
 and critical thinking.
With
Change preposition
From
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 my standpoint, I partly
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will give
further
information
. Admittedly, it is essential to acknowledge that the
internet
 does present some
challeges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 to
memory
retetion
Correct your spelling
retention
. The ease by which
information
 can be retrieved may render
human's
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human
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
more lazy
Replace the words
lazier
show examples
 when researching and absorbing
knowledge
.
In other words
, some of them currently
have depended
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 on
this
 platform without finding measures to resolve the problems, even with simple calculations and basic
datas
Correct your spelling
data
.
This
 trend acts as a
deterent
Correct your spelling
deterrent
 for many individuals to delve deeper into the essence of
knowledge
 and foster cognitive,
intellectual
Correct word choice
and intellectual
show examples
 skills. Notwithstanding the aforementioned
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
, I am of the opinion that those challenges may be effectively ironed out if
people
 tailor their behaviors judiciously to utilize the sources of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
.
Firstly
, it is evident that the
internet
 is a vast expanse of
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 and viewpoints and most
people
 nowadays usually conduct many tasks through
this
 platform.
Therefore
, users are frequently compelled to evaluate the creditability of
datas
Correct your spelling
data
, understand multiple perspectives and
synthesizes
Correct subject-verb agreement
synthesize
show examples
 them to form a
conherent
Correct your spelling
coherent
 view.
During
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 process,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
entails the discernment and analysis
from
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of
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people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thereby fostering and supporting them to acquire
knowledge
 deeper and nurture critical thinking
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Secondly
, users can
also
 leverage the diversity and inclusivity of the
information
 on the
internent
Correct your spelling
Internet
 that has been provided to bolster
memory
 and develop personal competencies. Educational platforms, online courses and problem-solving
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 can aid in
strengethening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
 these cognitive functions.
For instance
, some
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 like
quizlet
Change the capitalization
Quizlet
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 implemented flashcard
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
 for
people
 to revise and absorb
knowledge
 on the
internet
, it
also
 incorporates some puzzle games for them to practice and develop their critical thinking. In conclusion,
while
 the concerns regarding the
internet
impairs
Change the verb form
impair
show examples
people
's
memory
 and critical thinking are true to some extent.
Is
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 is likely to become incumbent upon the users to utilize the
internet
 to learn and consolidate
information
 more effectively and enhance cognitive skills.
Submitted by ruozzo3095 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that your position is consistently clear throughout the essay. Expand on your examples by providing more detailed and specific scenarios that directly support your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
To boost your score, you can also work on varying your sentence structures more, to show complexity without sacrificing clarity. Additionally, proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammar errors.
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