IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The restoration of old buildings in major cities throughout the world involves enormous expenditure. This money would bring more benefits if it was used to provide new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #expenditure #money #road #development
The allocation of budget to restoring old buildings in big cities in the world results in the use of a huge amount of money.
However
, using the money to build new housing and develop a
road
 system would be more valuable. I totally agree with the statement owing to the positive impacts that individuals could get. Since the massive increase in population requires proper housing management and
road
 development, investing in public necessities may have various impacts.
Firstly
, a high-density population leads to the increasing need for houses to live in order to reduce unsheltered citizens.
Secondly
, a congested
road
also
 requires the development of a
road
 to avoid traffic problems.
For instance
, most of part of the world is facing a pressing problem reflecting on the number of homeless and congestion in the
road
.
Therefore
, The key players in
such
 a problem are authorities who could create a policy to allocate more funds to new housing and
road
 development.
Furthermore
, preserving the historical building may keep the existence of history, but improving the quality of life through providing a new residence area and developing the
road
 could increase the productivity of people in each country. To illustrate, people may find it easy to find a place near their workplace which will influence their work performance.
In addition
, a good quality of
road
 management can positively affect people's commuting activities.
For example
, good access to a particular place can encourage visitors to come and will unconsciously contribute to the economic rise of those who live in that area. In conclusion,
although
 the investment in old sites could be valuable for the historical aspect, the most important one is paying more attention to the public needs which could have a direct impact on their quality of life.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Develop your response to the prompts more fully, ensuring that your main ideas are backed by clear, well-elaborated examples, arguments, or data.
task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout your response. It sometimes appears that you are presenting both sides of the argument without clearly indicating where your opinion lies.
coherence cohesion
Work on the fluency of your essay by improving transitions and the logical progression of ideas throughout paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct, encapsulating your overall argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You could enhance the coherence by better connecting your main points with supporting sentences that illustrate your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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