IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative develop

#people #part #time #smartphone
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In today's
society
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society,
show examples
people
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use
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 their
smartphones
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 a
lot
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.
A
Correct determiner usage
One
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 reason is smartphone addiction, a
lot
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 of us are addicted to
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 phone, another reason can be
social
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a social
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 connection,
one
Correct word choice
and one
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 more can be
entertainment
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.
Smartphones
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 have undoubtedly brought about significant advancements and beneficial impacts in numerous aspects of life. Talking about social connection, we
use
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 it to communicate through social networks, messaging apps, and email, making it easy for
people
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 to stay in touch with friends, family, and colleagues. With the rise of remote work and mobile productivity tools, a plethora of
people
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use
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smartphones
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 for work-related tasks, blurring the boundaries between personal and professional life and leading to increased usage.
Also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information access,
the
Change preposition
to the
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 internet is at our fingertips with
smartphones
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, allowing quick access to information, news, and online resources.
People
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 may
use
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 their phones excessively for browsing, researching, or learning.
Last
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 but not least
entertainment
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,
smartphones
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 offer a
lot
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 of
entertainment
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 options,
such
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 as games, streaming services, and social media platforms, providing instant distraction from boredom or stress. My opinion is that
smartphones
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 are extremely useful if you know how to
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and when. A
lot
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 of
people
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dont
Correct your spelling
don't
use
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 it
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
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,
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apply
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 like spending hours on social media or games
insead
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instead
 of learning or developing.
Abundance
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The abundance
An abundance
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 of users make money with their devices by leveraging various apps and networked platforms to engage in activities
such
Linking Words
 as freelancing, online selling, surveys, content creation, wired tutoring, and investing. In conclusion,
smartphones
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 have become an integral part of modern society, offering unparalleled convenience, connectivity, and
entertainment
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.
While
Linking Words
 they have undoubtedly brought about significant advancements and beneficial impacts in various aspects of life, their universal presence has
also
Linking Words
 led to concerns
such
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 as smartphone addiction and inefficient usage.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and expand on it with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Try to have a clear topic sentence at the beginning of every paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
logical structure
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with an introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
In the introduction, provide a roadmap of what will be discussed to set clear expectations.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more diverse examples that specifically illustrate your arguments.
complete response
Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, ensuring your response is comprehensive and complete.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clearly distinguish between reasons for smartphone usage and your own opinion on whether it is positive or negative.
relevant specific examples
To support your arguments, include real-life examples, statistics, or research that make your points convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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