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Band 3

A lot of money is spent repairing old buildings. Instead of repairing these buildings, they should be knocked down and replaced with new ones. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #buildings #ones
The price of
reparing
Correct your spelling
repairing
preparing
 some ancient
buildings
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 extravagant. It is more proper to
demolished
Wrong verb form
demolish
show examples
 these
buildings
 and replace them with modern
buildings
.
This
esay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss the reasons.
To begin
 with, properly maintained
buildings
 do not require a lot of money to
repair
.
Buildings
Correct pronoun usage
that required
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a load of money to
repair
 are not cultural heritages, but catastrophes-in-waitings. Old
buildings
 that seek
repairing
Replace the word
repair
show examples
 often
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 a lot of problems. Sometimes these problems are vital,
such
 as the structures. To
repair
such
 problems, documents required for the
repair
 that contain the building information are lost, or inaccurate, making them impossible to refurbish.
To solve
Change the verb form
Solving
show examples
such
 an inaccurate problem is an enormous risk. A risk that
easily
Add a missing verb
is easily
show examples
 eliminated by demolishing and rebuilding
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fraction of the price. Old
buildings
 were
also
 built under old
safety
 regulations. In an ideal situation, dated
buildings
 should refurbished to current
safety
 standards.
However
, these are not possible because of many
safety
 aspects
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in the structure of the building,
for example
, a fire escape, cannot be corrected unless to
rebuild
Wrong verb form
rebuilt
show examples
. We should not trade our nostalgic feelings for dated
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 with our
safety
. All in all, I encourage that
instead
 of
reparing
Correct your spelling
repairing
preparing
 old
buildings
, they should be knocked down and
re-builted
Correct your spelling
rebuilt
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fraction of the money for the
safety
 and efficiency of our society.
Submitted by panus.cho on

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coherence cohesion
Work on constructing clear topic sentences that introduce the main points of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each body paragraph expands on the topic sentence with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Address both sides of the argument to fully meet the requirements of the task, showing your ability to discuss and contrast different views.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments, providing concrete illustrations of your points.
overall
Review grammar and vocabulary for accuracy to convey your ideas more precisely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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