IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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The concept of moving away from
friends
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 and family in order to find a job can be assessed from different aspects. As someone who is going to be in
this
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 situation in the future, I have reviewed many aspects from my point of view. Leaving
friends
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 and family is always hard, especially for an introverted person like me.
Also
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, many
people
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 may have some religious beliefs, which may not be conventional in the destination
country
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. These cases make it really hard for
people
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 to integrate into the host
country
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.
In addition
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, the host community might not be a welcoming society.
Moreover
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, speaking in a second or third language is always harder than communicating in your mother tongue, especially for those who are not very fluent in their second language. A desire for progress in different conditions is the main reason why
people
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 decide to leave their family and
friends
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.
This
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 improvement might be in economic, social, scientific, or other areas. When you choose your own
country
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 to live in on your own, you will have the opportunity to make
this
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 decision based on your knowledge and capabilities.
This
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 will help you to be more successful in your work.
Also
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,
this
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 will help you to have a better income.
Also
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, for some
people
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 like me, it is interesting to get to know new cultures and travel to new places.
Moreover
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, for
people
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 with political problems, immigration is a new start in life. In conclusion, considering both sides, I am inclined to support the idea that the advantages of moving away from family and
friends
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 to find a job in a new
country
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 outweigh its disadvantages.

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task response
The introduction provides a clear position, but you could strengthen it by briefly summarizing both sides of the argument. This sets a clearer framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some of your paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader on what each paragraph will discuss.
task response
While you mentioned some valid points, incorporating specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate these points would enhance your argument and provide greater clarity.
task response
Your personal perspective on the issue is a strength, as it adds a unique touch to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument, providing a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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