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Band 5.5

In some countries, children are often told that, they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In certain cultures,
children
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 are often advised that they are able to accomplish anything through hard
work
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.
This
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 essay will suggest that
,
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 building self-confidence and increasing the creativity of individuals are the biggest advantages of
this
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while
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 setting up unrealistic goals and increasing anxiety and stress appear to be the preliminary disadvantages. It is mandatory to often motivate
children
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 by saying anything is achievable unless they do hard
work
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 because it improves their confidence.
Children
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 will find various pathways to accomplish their goals, thereby, they eventually improve their creativity,
as a consequence
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, they gradually alleviate the fear of taking risks and facing challenges in their lives. So that,
children
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 become strong and independent individuals who are good at critical thinking and other soft skills.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the University of California revealed that, the
children
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 who were taught that anything is possible if practice hard, showed a greater potential to complete the tasks, that they were assigned to do than other participants.
However
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, there are certain disadvantages
also
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 associated with
this
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 statement. The majority of people at present seem to told their
children
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 to do some unrealistic tasks. They often convince their
children
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 that they can achieve any goal through hard
work
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. But on some occasions,
this
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 may be toxic to
children
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’s minds and causes build up huge pressure on them.
As a result
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 of that,
children
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 will undergo stress, anxiety and unnecessary competition and be totally exhausted by the heavy workload. Ultimately,
this
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 will reduce the productivity of
children
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 and they might feel disappointment and frustration.
For instance
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, it has been scientifically proven that
,
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apply
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 a higher level of depression
associated
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is associated
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 with reduced concentration and eventually causes less productivity of pupils. In conclusion, making
positive
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a positive
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mind set
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mindset
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 by teaching them nothing is impossible through hard
work
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 is an essential component
for
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of
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 their cognitive development. And
also
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 it is aimed at improving their self-confidence and creativity.
On the other hand
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, allowing
children
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 to pursue some unachievable goals is not good for both their physical and mental well-being because it puts unnecessary pressure on them.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices which can help link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Consider using synonyms, transition phrases, and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Provide a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages by dedicating similar lengths and development to each; avoid focusing more heavily on one side.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and pertinent examples that directly illustrate the argument you are making. This proves to the reader that the ideas put forward are not just theoretical but grounded in real-world scenarios.
task achievement
Keep the introduction and conclusion succinct but comprehensive enough to clearly present your thesis and summarise your main points. Your introduction sets the stage, while your conclusion provides a clear and final statement on your viewpoint.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the task question to exhibit a wider range of vocabulary and to avoid repetition of phrases from the prompt. Efficiently rephrase the prompt to make your introduction more engaging.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • work ethic
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • undue pressure
  • unrealistic goals
  • disappointment
  • contentment
  • teamwork
  • emotional intelligence
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