IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leaisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The question is the community whose effort most
time
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 of their period is negative or positive for them?
This
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 situation has perks and drawbacks,
However
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, The advantages more than the disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give reasons. on the one hand, There are many benefits when they work longer
hours
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 than other crowd. I will write about the main perks. Life is getting harder nowadays,
Therefore
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, Many folks have to work long
hours
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, The benefit of doing
this
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 action that You will be able to do everything in life more easily.
Moreover
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, Your children will be able to have a better education. to my knowledge, My cousin who works more than 12
hours
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 every day has better activities than others,
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, His clan are studying in the school of the most expensive schools in our city.
Therefore
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, Working long
hours
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 is a good decision.
On the other hand
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, The people who are working normally as others. There are benefits as well. There are people who choose to work 6-8
hours
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 every day, Because, They want to spend their
time
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 with families or traveling.
Moreover
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, They do not have stress because of working.
However
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, When you are working fewer
hours
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, You will not be able to have a nice life or successful children,
Moreover
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, You will not be able to afford a new house.
For instance
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, My brother works around 7
hours
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 every
time
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, He travels all the
time
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,
Also
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, His clan are in general school. And he still can not buy a new house. In conclusion, I would argue that there are more advantages than disadvantages to working a long
time
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 of the day. Kim sincerely

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task achievement
Try to refine your thesis statement for clarity and coherence. Make sure it clearly reflects the stance you’re taking and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and that each sentence logically flows from the previous one to improve coherence. This will help to unify your ideas better.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help in reinforcing your points and provide a clearer understanding for the reader.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of personal experience adds a relatable touch to your arguments, which can engage the reader effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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