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Band 6.5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? Do you think this will be the case in the future?

#people #home #case #future
Most
individuals
 these days have a sense of
insecurity
 both at
home
 and outdoors. There are several
reasons
 that can lead to
this
 phenomenon. I think that some
reasons
 critically outweigh the rest, so let’s deep dive into the most significant ones. At
first,
individuals
 may not feel safe at
home
due to
 the presence of domestic violence or abusive relationships.
Individuals
 who are physically or mentally abused may fear for their safety and well-being within their own homes.
Moreover
, nowadays fewer and fewer people tend to know their neighbours
due to
 various mental and urban
reasons
 and
consequently
,
this
 lack of information about the identity and personality of neighbours may result in a sense of
insecurity
 even at
home
.
Secondly
, disparities in the quality of education, and lack of employment opportunities
due to
 the rising populations and economic conditions raise social unrest and crime among
individuals
. Those people who are in the lowest socio-economic classes may be prone to show violent behaviour in public.
Moreover
, one of the main
reasons
 that cause
insecurity
 may relate to high crime rates in certain urban areas
due to
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
reasons
 on socio-economic factors.
This
 phenomenon of
insecurity
 will most likely be the case going forward too, as socio-economic conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and urban and mental factors are expected to deteriorate in most parts of the world.
Moreover
, fast technological advancement is unfortunately negatively affecting the driver of
this
 phenomenon too. In conclusion, people may feel unsafe both at
home
 and in public
due to
 different mental, urban, and socio-economic factors.
This
 feeling is likely to continue in the future
due to
 worsening conditions and technological changes.
Submitted by nazrin.i.amirova on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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