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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? Do you think this will be the case in the future?

#people #home #case #future
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Most
individuals
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 these days have a sense of
insecurity
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 both at
home
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 and outdoors. There are several
reasons
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 that can lead to
this
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 phenomenon. I think that some
reasons
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 critically outweigh the rest, so let’s deep dive into the most significant ones. At
first,
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individuals
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 may not feel safe at
home
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due to
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 the presence of domestic violence or abusive relationships.
Individuals
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 who are physically or mentally abused may fear for their safety and well-being within their own homes.
Moreover
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, nowadays fewer and fewer people tend to know their neighbours
due to
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 various mental and urban
reasons
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 and
consequently
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,
this
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 lack of information about the identity and personality of neighbours may result in a sense of
insecurity
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 even at
home
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.
Secondly
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, disparities in the quality of education, and lack of employment opportunities
due to
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 the rising populations and economic conditions raise social unrest and crime among
individuals
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. Those people who are in the lowest socio-economic classes may be prone to show violent behaviour in public.
Moreover
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, one of the main
reasons
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 that cause
insecurity
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 may relate to high crime rates in certain urban areas
due to
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above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
reasons
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 on socio-economic factors.
This
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 phenomenon of
insecurity
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 will most likely be the case going forward too, as socio-economic conditions
,
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apply
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and urban and mental factors are expected to deteriorate in most parts of the world.
Moreover
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, fast technological advancement is unfortunately negatively affecting the driver of
this
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 phenomenon too. In conclusion, people may feel unsafe both at
home
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 and in public
due to
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 different mental, urban, and socio-economic factors.
This
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 feeling is likely to continue in the future
due to
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 worsening conditions and technological changes.
Submitted by nazrin.i.amirova on

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task achievement
You should include more specific examples to illustrate your points. The arguments are well-known but providing concrete instances or statistics would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, use a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas within and across paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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