IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The spread of a ‘global language’ such as English will threaten national languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, some people believe that international
languages
Use synonyms
 will replace the
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of national
languages
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, is it really a drawback? I would contend that it won'
t
Use synonyms
 decrease our knowledge of
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 in daily conversations, which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
firstly
Linking Words
, it is a widely known fact that every
language
Use synonyms
 represents its country.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 has
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a diverse cultural heritages from west to east which align
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 its various traditional
languages
Use synonyms
. Every region speaks different words, yet whenever you move
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
a
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 city to another, you still can possibly have
an enjoyable talks
Correct the article-noun agreement
an enjoyable talk
enjoyable talks
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 everyone
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the national
language
Use synonyms
 which is Bahasa
Indonesia
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a daily
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 and a habit of
Indonesian
Replace the word
Indonesians
show examples
 that you can find in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as schools or
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
companies.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Indonesian
Replace the word
Indonesians
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 already used to
hear
Verb problem
apply
show examples
various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
languages
Use synonyms
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 like
English
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 think it will affect our national
language
Use synonyms
 since we
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 completely
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 with it ever since we were born.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of international schools here in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 that use
English
Use synonyms
 as their main
language
Use synonyms
. Some
priviledged
Correct your spelling
privileged
 students
were entered
Change the verb form
have entered
show examples
 it since elementary school, which is a very young age.
Hence
Linking Words
, they tend to be taught and talked in
English
Use synonyms
 ever since, and
as a result
Linking Words
, some of them can'
t
Use synonyms
 even speak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Bahasa
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 fluently. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the government of
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 have made rules that Bahasa
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 needs to be a mandatory
language
Use synonyms
 to be taught in schools, even in the international ones. For academic purposes, students were obligated to
taught
Add a missing verb
be taught
show examples
 in
English
Use synonyms
, yet
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
occasions
Add a comma
occasions,
show examples
 they
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 in the national
language
Use synonyms
. Eventually, the use of
languages
Use synonyms
 is now balanced and irrefutably effective.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the global
language
Use synonyms
 won'
t
Use synonyms
 create a severe impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the national
language
Use synonyms
 since the government has regulated a beneficial way to use both
languages
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 will threaten any national
Use synonyms
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
 cannot be supported. All in all, both
languages
Use synonyms
 can improve
interpersonal
Correct article usage
the interpersonal
show examples
 skills of everyone in the country
while
Linking Words
 simultaneously
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
 a good impact in
communication
Add an article
the communication
show examples
 field.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that you have a clear introduction with a concise thesis statement outlining your opinion on the topic. This will set up your essay for success in both task achievement and coherence.
Body Paragraphs
Develop your main points with specific examples and fully explain how these examples support your view. This will help to provide clarity and comprehensiveness to your argument.
Examples
Try to include more relevant, specific examples that directly relate to the topic. This could include citing statistics, trends, or citing specific case studies. This would make your argument more persuasive and improve task achievement.
Cohesion
Pay attention to the cohesion of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and logically across paragraphs.
Logical Structure
To increase the coherence of the essay, create a stronger logical flow by having a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. Each paragraph should logically lead to the next, with clear topic sentences and logical support for each point.
Thesis and Conclusion
Make sure to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to increase task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lingua franca
  • international communication
  • erode
  • linguistic diversity
  • transmitted
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • diluted
  • dominant
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language policies
  • real-time translation
  • technological advancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: