IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Several people believe that the school must do the basic finance skill to their student. How far you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #school #finance #skill #student
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I
so
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do
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 agree that the
school
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 must do the basic
finance
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skill
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 for the student. In modern society, the ability to manage personal finances is an important
skill
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 that makes the individual's life safer, more prosperous, and more independent. First of all,
the
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apply
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basic
finance
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 skills like saving, making budgets, and understanding concepts like interest and investment will help the student avoid financial problems in the future. With a good comprehension of
finance
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, they are able to make
a
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apply
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wiser
decision
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decisions
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 and avoid a debt they do not need. As an example, many adults feel difficult because they were not taught how to manage their money since childhood, so they are often trapped in debt from a credit card or loan with high interest.
Besides
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 that, with the teaching of
finance
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 skills in the
school
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, students will
also
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 be better prepared to face economic challenges that they may face after graduating. They will have the ability to plan their future better or even to start their business alone.
This
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skill
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 is not only useful for individuals but
also
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 has a positive impact on the whole economy.
Nonetheless
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, several people may consider that
this
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 topic is too complex to be taught in
school
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. They are allowed to feel that
this
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 responsibility belongs to their parents or family.
Nevertheless
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, not all families have the knowledge or resources to teach
this
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skill
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 effectively. Because of that, the
school
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, as an institution, has an important role to play in making sure that all students get basic knowledge about money.
Overall
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, teaching the basics of
finance
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 in the
school
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 is going to be of great benefit to students.
This
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 case
does
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apply
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not only
help
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helps
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 them to manage their money better but
also
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 prepares them to be members of a society
that is
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 more responsible and autonomous.
Hence
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, I support it because there is a program of
finance
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 education in the
school
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.
Submitted by bonarpasaribuu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some sentences to be more precise in conveying your ideas, avoiding repetitive phrases such as 'they are allowed to feel that.'
task achievement
Consider expanding on examples to provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to the overall coherence.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the prompt by stating your position and elaborating on the importance of financial education in schools.
task achievement
Your points are supported with relevant real-life implications, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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