IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Several people believe that the school must do the basic finance skill to their student. How far you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #school #finance #skill #student
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I
so
Correct your spelling
do
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 agree that the
school
 must do the basic
finance
skill
 for the student. In modern society, the ability to manage personal finances is an important
skill
 that makes the individual's life safer, more prosperous, and more independent. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic
finance
 skills like saving, making budgets, and understanding concepts like interest and investment will help the student avoid financial problems in the future. With a good comprehension of
finance
, they are able to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wiser
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 and avoid a debt they do not need. As an example, many adults feel difficult because they were not taught how to manage their money since childhood, so they are often trapped in debt from a credit card or loan with high interest.
Besides
 that, with the teaching of
finance
 skills in the
school
, students will
also
 be better prepared to face economic challenges that they may face after graduating. They will have the ability to plan their future better or even to start their business alone.
This
skill
 is not only useful for individuals but
also
 has a positive impact on the whole economy.
Nonetheless
, several people may consider that
this
 topic is too complex to be taught in
school
. They are allowed to feel that
this
 responsibility belongs to their parents or family.
Nevertheless
, not all families have the knowledge or resources to teach
this
skill
 effectively. Because of that, the
school
, as an institution, has an important role to play in making sure that all students get basic knowledge about money.
Overall
, teaching the basics of
finance
 in the
school
 is going to be of great benefit to students.
This
 case
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them to manage their money better but
also
 prepares them to be members of a society
that is
 more responsible and autonomous.
Hence
, I support it because there is a program of
finance
 education in the
school
.
Submitted by bonarpasaribuu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some sentences to be more precise in conveying your ideas, avoiding repetitive phrases such as 'they are allowed to feel that.'
task achievement
Consider expanding on examples to provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to the overall coherence.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the prompt by stating your position and elaborating on the importance of financial education in schools.
task achievement
Your points are supported with relevant real-life implications, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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