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Band 5.5

Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #travel #work #trend
Nowadays, there is a popular trend that some high school youngsters prefer taking a
gap
year
 before entering college,
for travelling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 abroad or
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 a paid job.
This
 essay aims to investigate these perspectives, and my point of view is that despite the potential drawbacks, it has brought many benefits for young individuals. It is evident that opting for a
gap
year
 is tremendously beneficial for
students
, as it is a predominant opportunity to develop their abilities which could not be learned from the classroom.
For instance
, if
students
would
Verb problem
apply
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volunteer with a charity or take a paid corporate internship, it enhances their social skills, ranging from interpersonal skills to critical thinking skills by interacting and communicating with their colleagues, so it enriches their life experiences.
Moreover
, having a
gap
year
 break is imperative for
students
 to learn independence. Since some young adults choose to visit overseas during the break, they learn how to live alone and tackle the problems without their
parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
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 protection.
As a result
,
students
 have attempted to take care of themselves and
this
 experience should be learned outside the school.
However
, some argue that taking a
gap
year
 has brought potential risk for the youngsters because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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. It is undoubted that if
students
 visit
to
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apply
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foreign countries for their
gap
year
,
,
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apply
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it probably leads to creating a financial crisis
due to
 the unexpected living and travel expenses.
Besides
, young adults may waste their valuable time, given that they lack a systematic plan for the holidays and just play without objective,
hence
 time cannot be effectively used. All in all, some youngsters take a
year
 break between graduating
secondary
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from secondary
show examples
 school and going to tertiary education for travelling and working purposes. From my point of view, even though
students
 may waste time on
this
 experience, it seems that they would learn different kinds of abilities for preparing
their
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for their
show examples
 next education.
Submitted by kylewkh726 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing. While your essay is organized, adding more variety to linking words could enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. To further strengthen these, make sure your thesis statement is clear in the introduction, and your conclusion summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You've provided support for your main points, but including more specific examples would enhance your argument. Try to use real-life instances or studies that relate to the benefits or drawbacks of taking a gap year.
task achievement
You have completed the task by addressing both sides of the argument and stating your opinion. To achieve a higher score, make sure to fully answer all parts of the question and provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and overall comprehensive. But you could improve by expanding on the impacts and offering more detailed insights into how the experiences of a gap year might affect students' future educational performance.
task achievement
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points. Examples should directly relate to the topic and demonstrate the real-world implications of the gap year.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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