Government investment in the arts,such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. Do you agree or disagree.

Although
some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
supposed
Wrong verb form
suppose
show examples
that there is a waste of
money
for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to invest in arts,
such
as
music
and theatre, another group of
people
think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should use the
money
in public service
instead
. I am in complete agreement with the
government
must invest
this
money
in public services as there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
still lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
public services
such
as education, healthcare and infrastructure for the functioning
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. With regards to the investment
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
and theatre, it is beneficial for individuals and society as
people
get a chance to explore the arts and
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
from different
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
.
For instance
, the
mucis
Correct your spelling
music
festival that
recently
Add a missing verb
was recently
show examples
held in Johor, Malaysia has successfully
attract
Change the verb form
attracted
show examples
10,000
people
to visit. There are a number of
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
who
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
music
also
join the festival. The main entrance of the theatre has
pasted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
poster of the
music
festival which
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism's
Change noun form
tourism
show examples
to visit. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result of
this
, many
people
from
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
country
are gather
Change the verb form
are gathering
are gathered
show examples
because of
this
music
festival.
On the other hand
, some individuals think the
government
should use the
money
more
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
public services.
Submitted by chewweyyan on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The body should consist of well-developed paragraphs containing clear main ideas supported by relevant examples.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately throughout your essay to make sure the ideas flow logically from one to another.
task response
Make sure you address all parts of the task. Your essay should include a clear opinion and relevant examples to support your points thoroughly.
argument development
Expand on the counterargument for a more balanced discussion before clearly stating your position.
grammar & accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • economic stimulus
  • tourism industry
  • social inclusion
  • wellbeing
  • public services
  • infrastructure
  • equitable distribution
  • fiscal responsibility
  • heritage conservation
  • intellectual property
  • private sponsorship
  • government subsidies
  • civic engagement
  • creative industries
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