Some people think children shiukd do extracurricular activities. Others think they will be under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people think that after-class
activities
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should be done by
children
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,
while
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others believe that
this
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method will
stress
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children
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. In my opinion, I believe that giving
children
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extra-curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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will help in developing
children
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’s character. On the one hand, some parents think that
children
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should do extracurricular
activities
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after school, and I agree.
In other words
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, by giving
children
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extra
activities
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,
children
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will acquire much knowledge as long as it is not academic.
For example
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, studies in the US proved that students who attend extra
classes
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learn much more than students who are studying academically because academic
classes
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give them
stress
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so they can not perform well.
Hence
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, these extra
activities
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are crucial in order to develop
children
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’s
skills
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more efficiently.
Furthermore
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, attending extra
classes
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will improve their character and their
skills
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,
such
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as
,
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apply
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social
skills
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, numeracy, and literacy.
This
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is because they are going to study new things that will not be studied in schools which are going to be incredibly useful during their journey of life.
On the other hand
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, some people say that it will
stress
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children
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, in a way that they will not be able to study anything else at all. One reason is that
children
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are already overloaded with their homework and tasks that ought to be done, so
children
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will feel lost in thinking about what to do in their time
instead
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of studying.
For instance
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, many schools in Japan refuse to give
children
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extra
classes
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because
children
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have the right to enjoy their childhood but surprisingly they found out that
children
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who do not have extra-curricular
activities
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perform better in their academic studies.
Therefore
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,
children
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should not be given extra
activities
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owing to the fact that they take their freedom and
stress
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them at the same time.
To sum up
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,
although
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people may vary in their opinion, I think that extra-curricular
activities
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help
children
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gain knowledge and improve their
skills
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.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Try to balance both sides of the argument equally. The essay leans slightly more toward the benefits of extracurricular activities.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically, using clear connectors or transition words between arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to varying your sentence structure to maintain reader interest and clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides clear arguments for both sides, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the writer's viewpoint and sets up the discussion nicely.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support arguments, like the studies in the US and Japan.
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