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Band 6.5

Do you agree with gun possession to protect people?

#gun #possession #people
In contemporary society, the surge in criminal activities, some culminating in
tragic
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the tragic
a tragic
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 loss of life, has ignited discussions about the merits of legalizing personal
gun
 ownership as a means of
self-defense
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self-defence
show examples
.
However
, I contend that
such
 a move would exacerbate the problem, escalating the violence associated with crimes and compromising the ability of
law
enforcement
 to ensure public safety. To commence, allowing widespread public access to
firearms
 would inevitably amplify the
overall
 crime rate. Presently, the stringent regulations surrounding private
gun
 ownership in many countries act as a deterrent, resulting in fewer instances of
gun
-related incidents.
Conversely
, if governments were to relax these regulations, it is foreseeable that
criminals
 would increasingly resort to threatening or using
firearms
 to accomplish their objectives.
Consequently
, the prevalence of
gun
 possession would lead to a surge in more severe and deadly criminal activities.
Moreover
, the widespread availability of guns poses a significant challenge to
law
enforcement
 agencies. Traditionally, the exclusive possession of
firearms
 by the police serves as a deterrent, discouraging potential
criminals
.
However
, if individuals were permitted to possess guns,
criminals
 would be emboldened, leading to a situation where
law
enforcement
 loses its intrinsic authority.
Criminals
 armed with
firearms
 would not only be more defiant but
also
 pose a direct threat to the police during criminal activities.
Consequently
, the very essence of
law
enforcement
's ability to guarantee public safety would be severely undermined. In conclusion,
while
 proponents of widespread
gun
 ownership argue for increased personal safety, the reality is that it would likely escalate the severity of crimes and compromise the effectiveness of
law
enforcement
.
Therefore
, I firmly believe that allowing civilians access to
firearms
 for personal protection is not a viable solution to the complex issue of rising crime rates.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

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Task Achievement
While you've composed a coherent and logically structured essay, consider incorporating more specific examples to strengthen your main points. This could involve citing statistical data, real-world scenarios where a high prevalence of guns has led to increased crime, or referencing countries with effective gun control as a contrast.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, create smoother transitions between paragraphs using a variety of linking words and phrases. Although the overall structure is logical, aim for even clearer connections between ideas to guide the reader effortlessly through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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