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Band 5

Doctors recommend that older people should excersice regularly.However many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

#doctors #people #excersice #exercise
Healthcare
practicioners
Correct your spelling
practitioners
 often
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 that senior
people
 should
exercise
 regularly for better health.
Nevertheless
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several of them
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not follow
this
 advice.
This
 essay will delve into the possible causes for
this
 and put forward some practical solutions to encourage them to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
. First and foremost, an obvious reason for elder
people
hesitate
Fix the infinitive
to hesitate
show examples
 to do
exercise
 is
unavailability
Add an article
the unavailability
show examples
 of
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
 to do
exercise
.
In other words
, the majority of
people
 who are in the gym or sports facilities are young or
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 population,
therefore
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
people
 could not have
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar age companion for
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 or
exercise
.
Similarly
, fear of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 injury,
unsurprisingly
Add a missing verb
is unsurprisingly
show examples
 another cause of
hesistance
Correct your spelling
resistance
hesitance
 for
exercise
. To exemplify,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recently published medical journal indicated that
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 injury is common in elder
people
 which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their health.
Moreover
, the accessibility of
wellness
 facilities and community
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is another prominent reason for
this
 issue.
Nevertheless
, the are some appropriate
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to address
this
 issue,
First
Change the article
the First
show examples
 solution is
design
Fix the infinitive
to design
show examples
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
wellness
 program for elder
people
. In detail, the local authorities should initiate
wellness
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 specifically for senior
people
 with the help of experts and proper guidelines.
This
 will help to create a peer for the older
people
 for group
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and reduce injuries. To illustrate, the NHS developed a guideline for
exercise
 for geriatric
people
 which helps to reduce injuries significantly. The authorities should
also
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 more
wellness
 and
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
show examples
 facilities specially designed for elder
people
 which would attract them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 regular
exercise
. In conclusion, the lack of companions for
exercise
, fear
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 injury and
accessiblility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 issues are the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
exercise
 in elder
people
. Ergo, specially designed
wellness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 accessibility would help to resolve
this
 issue.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task response score, ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the prompt with sufficient development and depth. Provide a balanced discussion on both the causes and the solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion
For greater coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your paragraphs more effectively with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs better.
Task Achievement

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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