IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes. Others believe that it is not morally correct to kill criminals Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued by some
people
Use synonyms
 that criminals who commit horrid unlawful acts deserve
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
a death
show examples
 sentence
whereas
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 others think that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
a death
show examples
 sentence is not the ethical way to punish those criminals.
This
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 essay will provide
further
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 explanation
as well as
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example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 to examine both of these opinions. Punishments for those who commit crimes
are varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
 from imprisonment to
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 sentence. The criminal charge itself is usually
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decided by how pressing the felonies they
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
. It is understandable why some
people
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 believe it is legally and morally correct to give
death
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 execution to those who commit serious felonies,
such
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 as serial killing, human trafficking, and so on, in order to avoid the horrible
misdemeanor
Change the spelling
misdemeanour
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to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 repeated and to give a sense of justice for the victims' families.
For example
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, there are some cases in the US where convicted murderers were getting released only to be arrested again for killing other
people
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 not long after they got out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. I believe
this
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear proof
how
Correct word choice
that
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 some criminals don't deserve to have a second chance in society because they didn't feel remorse or tried to reflect on their actions at all
while
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 serving their time in prison.
Thus
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, I agree
death
Use synonyms
 penalty
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 needed to punish offenders who commit inhumane unlawful acts.
On the other hand
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, it is believed by some
people
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 that it is still an immoral decision to punish offenders with
death
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 execution.
This
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 might be caused by a lot of cases where innocent
people
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 are
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wrongfully accused and sentenced to
death
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 by
law
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 enforcement. Some of those cases happened because of the lack of proper investigations, unprofessionalism of
law
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 enforcement, and many more.
For instance
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, there is
this
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 one well-known case of an innocent child who
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only 14 years old at the time, getting wrongfully
acused
Correct your spelling
accused
 and sentenced to
death
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 in America. Later on, he was announced to be fully innocent and back
then
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 until now the public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still raging over how unjust the
law
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 is to the point it was too late to prevent the
death
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 of the innocent little boy
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
. In conclusion, it is easy to understand why some individuals believe that
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty is not ethical to punish
convict
Correct subject-verb agreement
convicts
show examples
 for their crimes because of the lack of
law
Use synonyms
 and justice system.
However
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, I do believe the
death
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sentences
Fix the agreement mistake
sentence
show examples
 is still needed to punish those who commit cruel offenses as long as they get properly investigated to avoid the case of wrongful
excution
Correct your spelling
execution
.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more naturally, such as 'nevertheless,' 'however,' or 'meanwhile'.
coherence cohesion
Organize paragraphs clearly with distinct topic sentences, development of ideas, and concluding sentences to improve the logical structure and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction sets the tone for the essay by paraphrasing the prompt more effectively and outlining the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the supporting points in each paragraph are developed fully with clear explanations and not just listed.
task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced discussion covering both views before presenting your opinion to fully meet the requirements of the task response.
task achievement
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly states your position while reinforcing the arguments presented.
task achievement
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, elaborate more on the reasons behind each viewpoint and how they contribute to the argument.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points and to show that you have a wide understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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