IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n many countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of this? How can we deal with those causes?

#n #countries #amount #crime
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In the modern era,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate
 is increasing in some nations. The main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these problems are lack of appropriate
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
education
 and there are a lot of
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to tackle
this
 problem which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of conditions that entice individuals into doing illegal things. The major reason that
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
people
 to commit a
crime
 is dire financial conditions. When
people
 have no or little income, they have no way except drug dealing
for example
 which counts as a well-paid job. In the jail of my town,
for example
, 78 per cent of culprits started to
commiting crimr
Correct your spelling
commit crimes
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of a good job.
Additionally
,
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
education
 level
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society can lead to
Correct article usage
an icreasing
show examples
icreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
crime
rate
 as well. Individuals with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of knowledge usually have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of how harmful these careers can be.
Thus
, they don't get tricked by high
salaryies
Correct your spelling
salaries
 and train their children and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations to avoid illegal jobs.
for instance
, in Denmark, which is the most educated country,
crime
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the crime
show examples
rate
 is under one per cent which makes it the second safest country
gobally
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globally
. On the other side, there are a lot of ways to
comabat
Correct your spelling
combat
crime
 and contribute to
have
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having
show examples
 a safer society. Governments should provide
people
 with more jobs in diverse majors and think of economical ways
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
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 the life quality and make
people
 happier.
Additionally
,
education
 should be promoted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society which can lead to more scholars and scientists that can benefit their countries. Qatar,
for instance
, had one of the
dangerous
Correct quantifier usage
most dangerous
show examples
 environments back in 2007. But the government increased the
schools
Correct quantifier usage
number of schools
show examples
 by 207 per cent and invested more in
education
Add an article
the education
an education
show examples
 system which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 it to be
safest
Change the article
the safest
show examples
 nation in 2021.
To conclude
,
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
 is
Change the article
the beggest
show examples
beggest
Correct your spelling
biggest
show examples
 problem that most countries are facing.
This
probem
Correct your spelling
problem
 can be solved by
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 aware community and a good economy and I hope countries counteract it as soon as possible.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop paragraphs fully with clear topic sentences that are expanded on with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and avoid repetitiveness.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your main ideas instead of stating them broadly - detail is key to a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas better and use linking words to help the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed analysis of the causes/effects of the issue being discussed and link everything back to the question purposefully.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparities
  • marginalized communities
  • criminal behavior
  • glorification
  • policing
  • judicial systems
  • impunity
  • social support programs
  • educational access
  • social inclusion
  • discrimination
  • media censorship
  • law enforcement
  • deterrent
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