IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n many countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of this? How can we deal with those causes?

#n #countries #amount #crime
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In the modern era,
Use synonyms
crime
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the crime
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rate
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 is increasing in some nations. The main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these problems are lack of appropriate
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and
education
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 and there are a lot of
way
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ways
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 to tackle
this
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 problem which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there are a lot of conditions that entice individuals into doing illegal things. The major reason that
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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people
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 to commit a
crime
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 is dire financial conditions. When
people
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 have no or little income, they have no way except drug dealing
for example
Linking Words
 which counts as a well-paid job. In the jail of my town,
for example
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, 78 per cent of culprits started to
commiting crimr
Correct your spelling
commit crimes
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of a good job.
Additionally
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,
low
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the low
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education
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 level
of
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in
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 society can lead to
Correct article usage
an icreasing
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icreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
crime
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rate
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 as well. Individuals with
high
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a high
the high
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 level of knowledge usually have
better
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a better
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 understanding of how harmful these careers can be.
Thus
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, they don't get tricked by high
salaryies
Correct your spelling
salaries
 and train their children and
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generations to avoid illegal jobs.
for instance
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, in Denmark, which is the most educated country,
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crime
Add an article
the crime
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rate
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 is under one per cent which makes it the second safest country
gobally
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globally
. On the other side, there are a lot of ways to
comabat
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combat
crime
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 and contribute to
have
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having
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 a safer society. Governments should provide
people
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 with more jobs in diverse majors and think of economical ways
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
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 the life quality and make
people
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 happier.
Additionally
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,
education
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 should be promoted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society which can lead to more scholars and scientists that can benefit their countries. Qatar,
for instance
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, had one of the
dangerous
Correct quantifier usage
most dangerous
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 environments back in 2007. But the government increased the
schools
Correct quantifier usage
number of schools
show examples
 by 207 per cent and invested more in
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education
Add an article
the education
an education
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 system which
lead
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led
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 it to be
safest
Change the article
the safest
show examples
 nation in 2021.
To conclude
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,
increasing
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the increasing
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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 is
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the beggest
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beggest
Correct your spelling
biggest
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 problem that most countries are facing.
This
Linking Words
probem
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problem
 can be solved by
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 aware community and a good economy and I hope countries counteract it as soon as possible.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop paragraphs fully with clear topic sentences that are expanded on with relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and avoid repetitiveness.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your main ideas instead of stating them broadly - detail is key to a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas better and use linking words to help the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed analysis of the causes/effects of the issue being discussed and link everything back to the question purposefully.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparities
  • marginalized communities
  • criminal behavior
  • glorification
  • policing
  • judicial systems
  • impunity
  • social support programs
  • educational access
  • social inclusion
  • discrimination
  • media censorship
  • law enforcement
  • deterrent
What to do next:
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