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Band 4

Some people believe that to become successful in sports one should have a natural talent. Others think that perseverance and practice are a crucial part to success. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #talent #perseverance #practice #part #success
These days, the opinion that success in
sports
 depends on
talent
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 really widespread,
while
 other people argue that goals
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be achieved
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 a strong desire and repetitive training. It is agreed, that our body can change and our abilities can improve dramatically,
therefore
 each person can gain progress by working out.
This
 essay,
firstly
 , will discuss in what kind of physical activities
talent
 is necessary, followed by an analysis of what qualities are important to be involved in sport.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of
sports
 which
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 innate
talent
 to participate in them.
For instance
, dancing is not for people who cannot hear music , because each dance is about rhythm.
In addition
, it is important to remember that there are some activities development
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which depend on the body's ability to be plasticity,
for example
, gymnastics or ballet. Undoubtedly, training can help to improve
this
 ,but it depends on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 health,
therefore
 it
also
 can be included in talents.
On the other hand
, only persistence matters when someone has a desire to participate in
sports
 and be successful in it.
Firstly
, a lot of patience is required when it comes to gaining positive results since
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
countless traumas can be gained on the way to prosperity in
this
 field.
Secondly
, professional sport is supposed to be time-consuming, as our body is a complicated mechanism
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of changes
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changes
Change the noun form
change
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in
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apply
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which can be noticeable only after a long period of time.
Nevertheless
, each skill can be developed ,
consequently
,
talent
 is something that can be acquired and improved.
To conclude
,
this
 essay supports the idea that there are few kinds of
sports
which
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in which
show examples
 a person can participate
in
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apply
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only with
talent
,
however
, each ability can be gained by a strong desire and regular training.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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Structure
To improve coherence, ensure that the essay has clear and logical paragraphing, with each paragraph focused on one main idea.
Linking
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, strengthening the overall essay.
Relevance
Avoid generalizations and make sure that the points made are relevant to the prompt.
Task Response
To achieve better task response, fully explore both views given in the prompt, and provide a balanced discussion before offering your opinion.
Grammar
Work on sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and to improve readability and understanding.
Accuracy
Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and improve word choice.
Focus
Make sure that the introduction and conclusion directly address the question and that your opinion is clear and consistent throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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