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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the table give databakery sales average in 2015

the table give databakery sales average in 2015
#databakery #sales
Tha
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 table depicts information about a bakery’s average sales in three different
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of branches
Correct word choice
and store
show examples
store
Correct subject-verb agreement
stores
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 in four categories of
transactions
 in 2015.
Overall
, all
franchise
Fix the agreement mistake
franchises
show examples
 sold most
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Croisant
Correct your spelling
Croissant
, Medium Latte and Strawberry
tart
Fix the agreement mistake
tarts
show examples
.
Then
 the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
transactions
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
London
Change preposition
in London
show examples
 Covent Garden in 2015. And the lowest transaction was
London
 St John’s Wood. Based on data of
transactions
 in
London
 Covent Garden, there are 642
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
transactions
 and the value of the
transactions
it-self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
was 7.58 Euro and half of them eat-in
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
 at 338.
Then
, the most popular meal in
London
 Govent Gargen was Croisant. On the other branches,
London
 Oxford Circus sold most on Medium Latte with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 total number of
transactions
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 538 and from
the
Change to a genitive case
the value of the transaction
the value of the transactions
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transactions
 value they
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 4.51 Euro in 2015.
Then
, more than half of the
transactions
 in 2015
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 away at level 291 respectively. In 2015
London
 St John’s Wood sold most on strawberry tart and the number of
transactions
 was more than 250. They
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 5.01 Euro
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
150
transactions
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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dine
Correct your spelling
done
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and 119
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 away.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transactions, london with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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