The graph below shows how people buy music.

The graph below shows how people buy music.
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The line chart given compares how music was purchased over a seven-year period from 2011 to 2018. From an
overall
perspective, it is evident that the percentage of music
was
Correct pronoun usage
that was
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bought by using CDs purchased saw a downward trend,
whereas
a reverse pattern could be seen in the figure for streams over the years shown. At the beginning of the period, the proportion of CDs purchased was highest, at around 55%. The data on downloads was lower, at about 35%. Streams,
however
, accounted for the lowest percentage, at about 5%. In the following years, after reaching a peak of over 40% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mid-2015, the percentage of music products
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sold through download systems
gruadually
Correct your spelling
gradually
fell to 30% in 2018.
Furthermore
, there was a significant decrease in the figure for CDs purchased from 50% in 2012 to approximately 25% in the final year,
whereas
that of streams underwent a considerable increase from just nearly 10% in 2013 to 30% in 2017, before rising to a top of over 40%
at the end
of the given period.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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