IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Art has increasingly become a topic of concern. Some individuals believe that it is a waste of money for the authorities to invest in the
arts
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,
such
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 as music and theatre,
while
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 others assert that the state should focus primarily on public
services
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. Personally, I am more inclined toward the latter view, though I
recognize
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recognise
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 the value of both perspectives. On the one hand, government investment in the
arts
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 is essential for several reasons.
Firstly
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, public funding is crucial for preserving cultural heritage and fostering national identity. The
arts
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 provide a connection to history and tradition, reminding citizens of their roots and helping to safeguard traditional values for future generations.
Moreover
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, making art accessible to the public can stimulate creativity and innovation, which carry significant benefits for other sectors,
such
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 as education and the broader economy.
For instance
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, exposure to the
arts
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 can encourage students to expand their knowledge and enhance their cognitive abilities. Economically, investment in the
arts
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 can generate revenue through exhibitions and performances, supporting artists and contributing to local economies.
On the other hand
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, it is arguably more vital for authorities to allocate resources to public
services
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. Investment in healthcare, education, and infrastructure directly improves quality of life and promotes social mobility. Access to free or
subsidized
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subsidised
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 healthcare,
for example
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, ensures that all citizens can maintain good health regardless of income, leading to a more equitable and prosperous society.
Furthermore
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,
prioritizing
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prioritising
show examples
 essential
services
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 supports a more productive workforce and fosters long-term economic growth. In
this
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 regard, I find the argument for
prioritizing
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prioritising
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 public
services
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 particularly compelling, as it directly impacts the well-being and stability of the population. In conclusion,
while
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 investing in the
arts
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 offers important cultural and economic benefits, I believe that the government should
prioritize
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prioritise
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 funding for public
services
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. Ensuring the health, education, and welfare of citizens lays the foundation for a stable society, which in turn can support and sustain the flourishing of the
arts
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 in the long term.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you support one side, but you also give much space to the other side.
task response
Add one more real and clear example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain why art is less important than public services in a more direct way in body 2.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words are a bit common. Try to vary them in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which is good. Still, some sentences could connect more closely to your main opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You can make the contrast between the two sides stronger by using clearer topic sentences.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion in the end.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and well developed in most parts of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical and easy to understand.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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