IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some suggest that young people should take a job between school and the university. Discuss what advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #school #university
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It is argued that youngsters should take an occupation between school and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is not a good thought. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 idea
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they can help their family
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
universities
Change the noun form
university
show examples
 payments.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can help their family by paying
courses
Change preposition
for courses
show examples
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 bill.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can work and earn
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
 between school and the
university
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can work in some shops
such
Linking Words
 as malls or supermarkets and have revenue. So, they can pay
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 courses.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are more professional and learn better than the other students in view of the fact that they attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some jobs
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to their major.
For example
Linking Words
, the person will study programming in the
university
Use synonyms
 and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have some
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 by
participate
Change the verb form
participating
show examples
 in some programming company.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people achieve and learn
easier
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their lessons in the
university
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their experiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, perhaps the youngsters can not manage time for studying, because their occupation takes a lot of time, so they refuse to have sufficient time for their lessons and it has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on their grades. In conclusion, some folk, including me, think that it is a brilliant idea if the young people have jobs before they attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
. At
first,
Linking Words
they can help their family financially.
For instance
Linking Words
, they are manage to pay for their courses.
Also
Linking Words
, they have more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their lessons if they do some activities that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to their major.
Submitted by bazarjanimohammadreza83 on

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Structure and Clarity
Introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and present a clear stance or overview of the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
Balanced Argument
Present both views clearly and evenly before stating your own position to create a balanced argument structure.
Development & Support
The main body paragraphs should each start with a clear topic sentence and develop one central idea with supporting details and examples.
Supporting Evidence
Make sure all main points are thoroughly supported with specific examples and clear reasoning.
Task Response
Avoid overgeneralization and ensure that you provide clear logical reasons for your arguments.
Language Use
Use a variety of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express your points more precisely and to demonstrate language flexibility.
Grammar & Accuracy
Take care of punctuation and sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences or fragments.
Conclusion
Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and clearly restating your opinion.
Proofreading
Proofread the essay to correct errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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