IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The advancement of technology enables us to substitute
animals
Use synonyms
 as the main resource of both food and products.
Such
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 as switching tiger leather with a synthetic one or using plant-based food rather than cow's meat.
Thus
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 it is unnecessary to keep using
animals
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 as the main ingredients. Obviously,
this
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 has some pros and cons which I will discuss in detail in the passage below. The obvious advantage of substituting
animals
Use synonyms
 is that environmental sustainability would be much greater than it currently is. It is a widely known fact that
animals
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 were being killed for the sake of humans, be it for clothes or meals.
For example
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, the polar bear is on the edge of extinction
due to
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 being killed by people just to get their skin.
This
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 action has been going on for years, and it even happened to a variety of
animals
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, including elephants, tigers, zebras, and many more.
On the other hand
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, the technology still has some limitations as the products that are currently being made with synthetic substances or plant-based meals do not really replicate the nature of
animals
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. There has been an innovation of developing a steak made from pure mushrooms. But, because its natural texture is quite soft, it could not really feel like meat.
Similarly
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, wearing a jacket made from the imitation of tiger leather is not as comfortable as using real leather. In summary, there are some advantages and disadvantages of changing the use of
animals
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. In
this
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 case, I completely disagree, but it is important to note that the animal's life is as important as ours.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt. Expand your discussion on why you disagree with the statement to offer a balanced view while remaining clear in your position.
Task Achievement
Introduce specific examples to further support your argument. Examples are essential in illustrating and reinforcing your main points, which will lead to a higher score in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim for a stronger logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Using phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' or 'conversely' can help guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and present the main topic as well as your position unequivocally. They should encapsulate the essence of your essay and be memorable to the reader.
Task Achievement
Develop supported main points with more elaboration. Each paragraph should thoroughly explain the reasoning behind your arguments to provide depth to your essay, thus improving task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Animal welfare
  • Sustainable agriculture
  • Veganism
  • Carnism
  • Factory farming
  • Ecosystem degradation
  • Ethical consumption
  • Cruelty-free
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Plant-based diet
  • Nutrient deficiency
  • Cultural norms
  • Biotechnology
  • Animal-free products
  • Food security
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