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Band 5.5

Some people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight, others think it should not be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #law #midnight
As teenage students
also
 have the right to enjoy the freedom to be out whenever they want, the perspective of some
people
 can be reasonable that there would be no need to have a regulation limiting
people
's time being out regardless of age.
However
, interestingly, other
people
 argue that students still need a law that guides them to stay safe area after a particular time
such
 as 12 am.
To begin
 with, some adults believe that students should have an official limit on being inside before midnight by a related regulation.
This
 viewpoint might come from
that
Correct article usage
the that
show examples
 they concern young
people
's physical safety as they could insist that there are a number of risks in the world at night which can be attractive to the young generation. A salient example could be that young
people
 might be exposed to having alcohol or smoking at night at ease compared to
daytimetime
Correct your spelling
daytime time
daytime-time
while
 other adults are enjoying them. As
this
 can be seen as compelling,
people
 might raise their voices to
regulate
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 young
people
 from being outside at night by the law.
However
, the other side of individuals asserts that making limitations on young
people
 being outside after midnight might infringe on their
rights
. The rationale of the opinion might be based on the fundamental human
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
according to
 the UN's human
rights
 declaration. They declare that every individual has the freedom to stay where they want to be regardless of time and seasons.
For
this
 reason, the regulation related to
this
 should not be established as standing opposite side of human
rights
.
Therefore
,
this
 point should be considered playing as a paramount rule when creating new laws regarding young
people
.
To conclude
,
although
 some
people
 insist that the law regulating young teenagers staying home after 12 should be considered as a part of social rules for their safety, there are
also
 other
people
 who bring the perspective it should not be as
this
 stands against human
rights
 which are based on UN's worldwide declaration.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more structured introduction that clearly presents the topic and previews the main points you intend to discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, and use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Offer more detailed explanations and support for your points with specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Ensure that you directly address all parts of the task, including a clear expression of your own opinion on the issue.
coherence cohesion
While concluding, summarize the main points discussed and clearly state your opinion, making sure it is supported by the arguments presented in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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