IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don’t go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

#mothers #care #don’t #work #people #salaries #government #🔸do
In the modern
society
, a number of women has become a housewife rather than continuing their professional careers after marrige to look after their
families
.
Although
 there are some
people
 arguing that these are
individual'
Correct your spelling
individual
show examples
 choices being a full-time wife and mother so that governments do not have responsibilities to take care of them by supporting them financially, others still insist that an extra payment from the
government
 on top of their partners' income plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 paramount role for each
houldholds
Correct your spelling
households
 to prevent a
future
 social problem which I put my endorsement on them.
To begin
 with, some
people
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
 argue that financial
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 for
single
Add a hyphen
single-parent
show examples
parent
 working
families
 should not be in place with their reasonable rationale. One of the compelling views
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most societies
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 that
this
 would be unfair for
families
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 both parents working outside. As both parents choose to work rather than to stay with their
children
, they ought to
carry
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their own choices
such
 as giving up spending more time with their
children
 but increasing their budget for themselves and what they give up cannot be covered by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 being not able to place any support for them.
As a result
,
this
 viewpoint can be considered as a fair point for employed both parents.
Nonetheless
, the other members of the
society
 might raise their voices that
families
 of
one-working-
Correct your spelling
one working parent
show examples
parent
 should be supported financially
although
 the fund might be tax-based. As a salient example, some
families
 might not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have other choices if they have disabled
children
 as one
parent
 has to take care of their
children
 in
this
 case.
This
 may lead to the
families
 being disadvantaged in their
society
 if they do not have
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 direct financial payments as a
supplimentary
Correct your spelling
supplementary
.
This
 may end up having massive social
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the
future
such
 as having a severe gap between wealthy and unwealthy
people
.
Therefore
, individuals with
this
 perspective can voice up as it might prevent the social
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 which might
be occuring
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
 in the
future
.
To conclude
,
although
 some
people
 believe that
government
 support which is based on the tax might not be essential for
families
 with a single-working
parent
, I am in the same vein
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 other
people
 insisting that tax-based support for
families
 with a
parent
 economically working might be helpful to prevent social issues in the
future
.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good. However, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is fully developed within the paragraph. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly using a variety of linking words and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
You've addressed the main part of the task, but your response can benefit from expanding on your main ideas with more specific examples and evidence. Make sure to clearly outline your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to enhance task achievement. To obtain a higher score, include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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