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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the diagram below shows the steps followed by recycled aluminum cans

the diagram below shows the steps followed by recycled aluminum cans
#steps #aluminum #cans
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The diagram depicts steps that
are taken
Wrong verb form
take
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 place in the
aluminium
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
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reclycling
Correct your spelling
recycling
process
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 has three stages,of which there are three stages at the
aluminium
Use synonyms
 recycling
plant
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.The
process
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 starts by collecting
aluminium
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cans
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 as trash and ends by distributing them as soft
drink
Use synonyms
cans
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 to
drink
Use synonyms
 machines. In the beginning, consumers throw their used soft
drink
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
 into trashcans which are collected and head to a collection centre.After that, those
cans
Use synonyms
 are delivered by vehicles to the recycling
plant
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , at the recycling
plant
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, can
sare
Correct your spelling
have
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 gone through several steps to make new
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
. At the recycling
plant
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, old
aluminium
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 is moulted down to make new
aluminium
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
then
Linking Words
 converted into
aluminium
Use synonyms
 rolls.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
aluminium
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 rolls are used to make new
cans
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.After
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
In this
show examples
process
Use synonyms
,
aluminium
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cans
Use synonyms
 are bought by different soft
drink
Use synonyms
 companies to fill their drinks and those heads-to-
drink
Use synonyms
 machines to facilitate their customers.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminium, process, plant, cans, drink with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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