IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Dear Raj,
Body paragraph 1
I hope you are very well, I am writing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 letter to
infrom
Correct your spelling
inform
 you that I
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 my Diwali
holiday's
Change the noun form
holidays
holiday
show examples
 in your
city
Use synonyms
. The
city
Use synonyms
 of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. First of all, I
visit
Use synonyms
 with my Family and
this
Linking Words
counrty
Correct your spelling
country
 where you live.
Body paragraph 2
I
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
 to
visit
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
city
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 26th
november
Change the capitalization
November
show examples
 to 1st December
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2023. I stayed in
hotel
Add an article
the hotel
a hotel
show examples
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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near
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your home. I am so
exciting
Correct word choice
excited about
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trip
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 my
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 and wife to
visit
Use synonyms
 the
city
Use synonyms
. I riched
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 27th
november
Change the capitalization
November
show examples
 on 10:00 AM in the
in the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
morning. We
visit
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
city
Use synonyms
 Because I have some information
collect
Wrong verb form
collected
show examples
 like,
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
city
Use synonyms
,
hunstville
Correct your spelling
Huntsville
, Alaska. Junear and many more. I watched their
city
Use synonyms
 in my
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 commercial one month Ago. That day I decided I
visit
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 with my family.
Body paragraph 3
And
also
Linking Words
 I have
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 few questions about the
city
Use synonyms
, like
time
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
city
Use synonyms
 and many
advartaisment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 show all the walls and
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
. Second thing,
this
Linking Words
 place is safe for me and my family. Because I first time travel with my family in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
out of
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
I hope you help me and I
concated
Correct your spelling
contacted
 you when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
reched
Correct your spelling
reached
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
.
Body paragraph 5
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully,
Conclusion
Parth Patel.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in the expression of ideas and maintain a clear focus on the task throughout the essay. Avoid deviations from the topic and ensure that each paragraph supports or develops the argument in relation to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay logically by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed with supporting details. Transition words should be used to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to write an introduction that clearly states your position on the question and a conclusion that summarizes your argument or restates your position.
task achievement
Develop the main points with specific details and examples that are directly related to the argument. Examples should be relevant and support the points being made.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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