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Band 5.5

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training . others belive they should be free to work in another country if they wish . Discuess boh these views and give your opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #belive #discuess #boh
Whereas
 some individuals are of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief that certain professionals,
such
 as architects, doctors, and teachers, should remain to
work
 in their own
country
, others feel that they have got
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to choose
whereever
Correct your spelling
wherever
 to start their career.
However
, it would be better if there should be a balance between these tendencies. On the one hand, it is vitally important for governments to have
such
 professional workers in most cases. First of all, they can contribute to the
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 and
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 developments of a society that are immeasurable. I mean that
such
 kinds of masters play a crucial role in the success of their
country
 staying and working there.
For instance
, the more talented and experienced engineers a
country
 has, the more skyscrapers, state-of-the-art buildings and outstanding places will be built there. Another benefit of
this
 view is that
such
 people do not feel homesick or
isolation
Replace the word
isolated
show examples
 and keep their identity and traditions when they
work
 in their motherland.
On the other hand
, it is possible for any
professionals
Fix the agreement mistake
professional
show examples
 to set up or carry on their future career in another
country
. Namely, they do not have to remain and
work
 in the
country
 where they did their training.
Moreover
, most experts want to join brain drains in order to meet their needs. As an example of
this
 statement, in Uzbekistan, plenty of doctors moved to Germany so as to earn a large amount of money and support their families in the 90s.
That is
 why, it is essential to attract
such
 specialists to lead their
work
 life in their own society
as well as
 create special amenities or opportunities and supply higher wages for them. In conclusion, despite the fact that governments are trying to open new doors for gifted people, the final decision is up to them.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more elaborate examples. While some examples are given, a further explanation on how these specifically support your argument would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more varied use of connecting words and phrases to improve logical structure. Consider using a range of discourse markers that show comparison, contrast, cause and effect.
task achievement
Ensure that both views and your own opinion are balanced in the essay. While you have discussed both sides and given an opinion, it may help to explicitly state in the introduction that you will discuss both sides and give your opinion as the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to enhance readability. Include a mix of complex sentences, and compound sentences to show a range of grammatical structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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