IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training . others belive they should be free to work in another coutnry if they wish . Discuess boh these views and give your opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #belive #coutnry #discuess #boh
Whereas
 some individuals believe that certain professionals,
such
 as architects, doctors, and teachers, should remain to work in their own country, others feel that they have got right to choose wherever to start their careers.
However
, it would be better if there were a balance between these tendencies. On the one hand, it is vitally important for governments to have
such
 professional workers in most cases. First of all, they can contribute to the economic and scientific developments of a society, which is immeasurable. I mean that
such
 kinds of masters play a dominant role in the success of their hometowns by staying and working there.
For instance
, the more talented and experienced engineers a country has, the more skyscrapers, state-of-the-art buildings and outstanding places will be built there. Another benefit of
this
 view is that
such
 people do not feel homesick or isolated and keep their identity and traditions when they work in their motherland.
On the other hand
, it is possible for any professional to set up or carry on their future careers in another country. Namely, they do not have to remain and work in the birthplace where they did their training.
Moreover
, most experts want to join brain drains in order to meet their needs. As an example of
this
 statement, in Uzbekistan, plenty of doctors moved to Germany so as to earn a large amount of money and support their families in the 90s.
That is
 why, it is essential to attract
such
 specialists to lead their career lives in their own society
as well as
 create special amenities or opportunities and supply higher wages for them. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
although
 governments are trying to open new doors for gifted people, the final decision is up to them.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain logical flow throughout the essay by using linking words and phrases effectively. While the essay does show logical structure, enhancement can be achieved with smoother transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the topic and your opinion more clearly in the introduction for a stronger initial impact. The conclusion should also be more assertive and reflective of the arguments discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific, detailed examples. This provides strength to your arguments and makes them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure to answer all parts of the question without deviation. A more balanced discussion of both views followed by a clearer personal stance would improve task achievement.
task achievement
Focus on expanding your ideas fully with comprehensive explanations and reasons. While your essay does present ideas, some come across as underdeveloped.
task achievement
Consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate language complexity and clarity in communication of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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