IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink, and not encourage unhealthy habits. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many young people look up to celebrities and often try to act like them. Because of
this
Linking Words
, some individuals think that famous people should only advertise healthy things and avoid showing bad habits. I particularly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because I believe
this
Linking Words
 idea has both good and bad sides. On the one hand, many celebrities are seen as role models. If a famous footballer advertises soft drinks full of sugar or fast food, kids might think those things are okay to eat all the time. But that can lead to health problems like being overweight or getting sick more easily. If they only advertise healthy food like fruits or water, it could help young people make better choices.
Also
Linking Words
, when superstars show bad habits like smoking or drinking alcohol, it sends the wrong message. Some teenagers might try smoking just because their favourite singer does it.
This
Linking Words
 can be really dangerous for our health and can cause serious problems in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 think that it’s not fair to control what stars can or can’t advertise. They have the right to choose their work, and not everything they advertise means society will copy them. It’s
also
Linking Words
 the job of parents and schools to teach children about what is healthy or not. Just because someone sees a famous person with a soft drink doesn’t mean they will always buy it. In conclusion, even though celebrities have the right to advertise what they want, I think they should be careful about what they promote. Since teenagers copy them a lot, it would be better if they supported healthy habits
instead
Linking Words
 of unhealthy ones.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To strengthen your task response, ensure that each point you make is directly related to your thesis statement. You could provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims about the influence of celebrities on young people's choices.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are mostly clear, consider refining your transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. Adding clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph could help frame your arguments better for the reader.
task achievement
Try to expand on your arguments with more detailed examples or statistics, which would enhance the depth of your discussion and make your points more persuasive.
structure
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main idea of your essay, which sets a good foundation for your discussion.
content
You effectively highlight the potential negative impacts of celebrities promoting unhealthy habits, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic's implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: