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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries , students live with their family while studying at a university . In other countries ,students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending outweigh the disadvantages ?

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In some parts of the world,
while
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 many
students
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 opt for living with their families
while
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 following tertiary
education
Use synonyms
, some of them have decided to pursue
education
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 in another city. From my standpoint, I believe that one major challenge to
this
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 phenomenon, namely financial matters will be exceeded by some apparent merits it offers. Admittedly,
students
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 who take a university degree in another region are more likely to deal with financial constraints. Obviously, unlike individuals who study in their hometown where they receive better care from their parents, those
students
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 have to allocate budgets viably for living expenses.
In other words
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, a plethora of factors
such
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 as accommodation, daily meals and recreational activities make up for a large amount of their expenditures, so people who do not have a solid financial background can find it a daunting task to continue following their studies. Notwithstanding the aforementioned notion, I am of the opinion that some benefits associated with learning far from home are more overwhelming. One primary point worth mentioning is that being involved in an exhaustive environment facilitates
students
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 to foster many vital soft skills.
For instance
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, when pursuing higher
education
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, those
students
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 are more inclined to form and nurture their financial management competencies. Apparently, they have to draw up plans to spend money monthly within their means when living far and
this
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 process will help them avoid debt burden and maintain a stable income in the future. More importantly,
students
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 learning in another area will be compelled to step out of their comfort zones and expand their social circles. To explain, those people have to get exposure with peers from different backgrounds and
such
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 interactions
also
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 support them to enrich their minds, accumulate knowledge and learn to form long-life relationships.
Consequently
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, a significant number of them can establish valuable relationships that will be advantageous for their future professional endeavours.
To conclude
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, opting for
following
Verb problem
apply
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higher
education
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 provides
students
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 with numerous upsides namely fostering skill sets and expanding their social networks
albeit
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despite
show examples
 the obstacle of financial issues.

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task achievement
One area to focus on is providing more concrete examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. When discussing the advantages or disadvantages, try to include specific, personal or widely understood scenarios to demonstrate your point more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure and flow, but you could improve the coherence and cohesion by making better use of linking words and phrases. This will help to guide the reader more smoothly between your ideas and arguments, and improve the overall readability of your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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