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Band 6.5

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance

#lack #water #importance
In modern society, the problem of shortage of aqua pure is becoming more significant and the importance of
this
 is increasing. The main cause of the lack of pure
water
 is the pollution of resources which was giving drinking
water
 to the population, and the best solution for
this
 complication is to help the community understand the significance of
water
 by providing video clips about
this
 catastrophe. The major reason for
this
 future global concern is contamination of
water
 supplies
such
 as lakes, seas,oceans and rivers. Individuals by throwing their garbage like bottles, cans , plastic bags and cigarette tubs, are clogging the ocean which leads to the pollution of
water
.
Due to
this
, a good amount of chemicals are damaging the planet's resources,like a cigar which contains cocaine which is harmful to a person's health.
For example
,
according to
 the
last
 survey 65 per cent of the river in Almaty called Malaya Almayinka is full of a carton which was thrown by locals. Of course,
due to
this
 society is suffering from a deficiency of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
water
 supply. To tackle
this
 issue people should convey information about
this
 obstacle, by posting video clips or posts adding photos of that mess on platforms
such
 as Instagram, Tik-tok and YouTube where a lot of people spend their time, they can see that if they do not pollute the
water
 resources, there will not be lack of fresh
water
.
For instance
, research carried out that nowadays 95% of the crowd around the world are informed about crucial catastrophes by social media. In conclusion, impurity is a major problem that can
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
 shortage of pure
water
,
nevertheless
 , it can be addressed by informing the public about
this
 global issue.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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Clarity and Precision
To enhance clarity, focus on using more precise language to describe the issues and solutions. Avoid using terms that might be confusing or inaccurate, such as 'aqua pure' for 'fresh water', or 'cigar which contains cocaine' which seems to be a misunderstanding.
Structure
To improve your essay structure, consider adding more distinct paragraphs for each main idea. This helps the reader understand the structure of your argument more clearly.
Development of Ideas
Expand upon the solution by providing more examples or proposing additional methods for raising public awareness and engagement beyond social media.
Use of Examples
You have included a relevant specific example to support your argument about the source of water pollution, which strengthens your position.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and restates the importance of addressing the issue, which helps to finalize the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater resources
  • water scarcity
  • global warming
  • water depletion
  • overpopulation
  • agricultural practices
  • technological innovations
  • sustainable development
  • water management
  • international cooperation
  • public health
  • socio-economic development
  • pollution
  • desalination
  • water conservation
  • water footprint
  • aquifers
  • irrigation systems
  • climate change
  • renewable water sources
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