IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
The supplied line graph describes How US seniors spent their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 on activities over a
30 year
Add a hyphen
30-year
show examples
 period from 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in the United States, elderly people who spent their leisure
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hiking witnessed a rapid increase over the given period.
Likewise
Linking Words
, a figure for surfing the net made up the smallest minority but it experienced a slight and dramatic increase. interestingly, reading has a noticeable fluctuation. Regarding the percentage of elderly US citizens who spent their leisure
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hiking, it accounted for 20% in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, in the next 30 years, it increased dramatically to 80%. A similar trend was observed in the percentage of old people who spent their free
time
Use synonyms
 surfing the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. To be specific, it consisted of 5% in 1980 but it rose slightly approximately 3 times in 20 years. In spite of
this
Linking Words
, it continued growing until it reached 50%. As for reading,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the year, 30%
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 engaged in
this
Linking Words
 activity but it fluctuated by 50% by the end of the year.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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