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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays more and more business meetings and business trainings are taking place online. Does the advantage of this development outweigh disadvantage.

#business #meetings #trainings #place #advantage #development
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Since the coronavirus pandemic in 2019, when there are restrictions on outdoor activities by the authorities, many
companies
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 have changed their
business
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 activities from
offline
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 method to online method. As we can see nowadays, more and more
business
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meetings
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 and
business
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 training are taking place online.
Although
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 there are a few drawbacks to
this
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 trend, I certainly believe that the advantages will outweigh them. The first reason why the online method is a great decision is because it can be more practical rather than
offline
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. People do not have to be in the same place if they want to hold a meeting. By using online conference applications like Zoom,
companies
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 can hold a meeting anytime from anywhere.
For instance
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, during working hours at the office, if a
manager
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 wants to have a discussion with her staff, it can be very practically and easily done by using Zoom from his workroom. Even when the
manager
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 is on holiday,
meetings
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 can still be held online. The second argument in favour of taking
business
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meetings
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 and training online is that it can save more on
companies
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' costs.
Companies
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 do not need to spend a cost for
business
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 training space since it can be done online. For big
companies
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 with thousands of
employees
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, online training is a good deal in order to reduce company spending.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, the biggest issue if
business
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meetings
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 and training are held online is there is no direct interaction between the
manager
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 and the officials. These conditions lead to misconceptions by the
employees
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 on the meaning of instruction given by the
manager
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.
Furthermore
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, online
business
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meetings
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 and training can diminish emotional bonding between employers and
employees
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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that by doing
business
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meetings
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 and
business
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 training online,
companies
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 get more benefits in terms of costs and practicality rather than
offline
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.
Offline
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meetings
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 and training can be held occasionally to evaluate and
also
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 to boost interaction and emotional bonding between employers and
employees
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.
Submitted by Deddymus on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you can improve the cohesion by making better use of linking words and phrases to tie your ideas together more smoothly. Include connectives that highlight contrast, cause, and effect to provide a clearer understanding between the points made.
task achievement
To increase the task response score, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed, and that your position is made clear throughout the essay. Spend more time expanding on each point with detailed supporting arguments and include a wider range of examples to better illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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