Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the reasons for this? What is a solution to reduce the pressure?

Currently,
children
across the world are
insisted
Verb problem
forced
show examples
to learn numerous things at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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and
Correct word choice
which
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resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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in
stresses
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stress
show examples
and
discomforts
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discomfort
show examples
.
This
is
due to
the fact
children
are absorbing materials more than they should. To minimize the stress
of
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on
show examples
the
children
,
parents
should become more aware and adjust the education portion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their child by going through some research and studies. When a child is being forced to learn something at the
age
they are not supposed to, they will be feeling pressured and stressed out.
This
is because
children
have a limitation to understand something at a certain
age
and their brains have not been fully developed yet.
For example
, recently there are lots of kindergartens forcing their students to learn how to read at the
age
of three, and these
children
are being cranky and complaining to their
parents
because they cannot understand. To overcome the situation,
parents
should study lots of parenting books or research to adjust the learning portion for their
children
. By doing so,
parents
can arrange a better education system for their child and choose a more suitable school.
For instance
, numerous studies have confirmed that
children
should start learning how to read at the
age
of five, not younger.
To conclude
,
children
nowadays are being forced to learn numerous skills younger than they are supposed to, and they feel stressed out because they are absorbing a lot more than they should. One of the solutions is that
parents
should study more research to provide
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
suitable education portion and choose better
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
for their kids.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structure; each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should provide explanations or examples supporting that idea.
coherence cohesion
Include cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, but don't overuse them.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction presents the topic and clearly states your position. Similarly, ensure the conclusion summarily addresses the question and reiterates your position.
task achievement
Respond fully to all parts of the task. Provide a well-developed argument with clear explanations and pertinent examples to back up your points.
task achievement
Clearly address the reasons for the pressure on children and offer a detailed solution by expanding upon the ideas presented, perhaps connecting them to wider societal or educational systems.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. Vague statements should be clarified with precise information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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