IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the reasons for this? What is a solution to reduce the pressure?

#children #pressure
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Currently,
children
Use synonyms
 across the world are
insisted
Verb problem
forced
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 to learn numerous things at
their
Change the word
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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and
Correct word choice
which
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resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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 in
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
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 and
discomforts
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discomfort
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
children
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 are absorbing materials more than they should. To minimize the stress
of
Change preposition
on
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 the
children
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,
parents
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 should become more aware and adjust the education portion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their child by going through some research and studies. When a child is being forced to learn something at the
age
Use synonyms
 they are not supposed to, they will be feeling pressured and stressed out.
This
Linking Words
 is because
children
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 have a limitation to understand something at a certain
age
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 and their brains have not been fully developed yet.
For example
Linking Words
, recently there are lots of kindergartens forcing their students to learn how to read at the
age
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 of three, and these
children
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 are being cranky and complaining to their
parents
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 because they cannot understand. To overcome the situation,
parents
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 should study lots of parenting books or research to adjust the learning portion for their
children
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. By doing so,
parents
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 can arrange a better education system for their child and choose a more suitable school.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous studies have confirmed that
children
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 should start learning how to read at the
age
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 of five, not younger.
To conclude
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,
children
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 nowadays are being forced to learn numerous skills younger than they are supposed to, and they feel stressed out because they are absorbing a lot more than they should. One of the solutions is that
parents
Use synonyms
 should study more research to provide
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 suitable education portion and choose better
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 for their kids.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structure; each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should provide explanations or examples supporting that idea.
coherence cohesion
Include cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, but don't overuse them.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction presents the topic and clearly states your position. Similarly, ensure the conclusion summarily addresses the question and reiterates your position.
task achievement
Respond fully to all parts of the task. Provide a well-developed argument with clear explanations and pertinent examples to back up your points.
task achievement
Clearly address the reasons for the pressure on children and offer a detailed solution by expanding upon the ideas presented, perhaps connecting them to wider societal or educational systems.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. Vague statements should be clarified with precise information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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