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Band 4

Some parent say that giving expensive gifts to a child can create bad habits in him/her.do you agree or disagree?

#parent #gifts #child #habits
A lot of parents believe spoiling
children
 with luxury things is the same as supporting bad
behaviour
 to grow. I believe
that is
 true because it can promote
such
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insensitive
behaviour
 to grow.
This
 essay will discuss why I agree with
this
 statement and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 examples to
stronger
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 my arguments. A recent study shows that
children
grow
Correct pronoun usage
who grow
show examples
surrounded
Change preposition
up surrounded
show examples
 by expensive goods will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
see it as something usual in the future. When they
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 older, they might think that those expensive features are just regular things that people have which are not everyone as lucky as them.
This
 mindset causes insensitive
behaviour
 to grow.
For example
, they don't think it is necessary to donate their unused -but still in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good condition- clothes because they
sure
Add a missing verb
are sure
show examples
 all people already have
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Insensitive
behaviour
 can lead to a low
social-awareness
Correct your spelling
social awareness
show examples
 level
Change preposition
in
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. As they expect everyone
are
Wrong verb form
to be on
show examples
 the same level
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 them, they might not realize that some people can't even eat three times a day. Not recognizing the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 help around us,
for instance
, is one of the
form
Change to a plural noun
forms
show examples
 of having low
social-awareness
Correct your spelling
social awareness
show examples
.
This
 situation
is bring
Change the verb form
is brought
is bringing
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact not only
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, I strongly agree that we should stop normalizing giving expensive gifts to a child. It is proven that it can promote insensitive
behaviour
 that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
 rate of social awareness.
Submitted by farrandyerza on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Utilize a range of cohesive devices, such as discourse markers and linking words, to aid in the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure to thoroughly respond to all parts of the task with well-developed ideas. Provide specific examples to support your main points and elaborate on them in more detail.
General Advice
In your introduction, clearly state your opinion on the topic to set the tone for the essay. In the body paragraphs, develop your arguments with clear topic sentences and offer evidence or examples that are directly relevant. Finish with a conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your opinion.
General Advice
Work on grammatical accuracy and range. There are several instances of incorrect verb tense and agreement, and the use of articles. Proofreading for spelling errors is also essential. Improving these will contribute to a higher score.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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