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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientists believe that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 era, we are living in the fourth industrial revolution with cutting-edge devices. There is no doubt over the fact that
technology
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 has permeated every aspect of our daily lives. Some people claim that the achievements of
technology
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 bring us positive impacts,
whereas
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 others have the opposite point of view. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former. Admittedly, the versatility of
technology
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 is undeniable which brings convenience to human lives.
Due to
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 the development of
technology
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 and computers, the living quality of humans increased.
For example
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, we often use robot vacuum cleaners to maximize the productivity of cleaning activities which helps people save time.
As a result
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, the human can save time for other activities.
Besides
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,
technology
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 plays a vital role in the education and health systems of a nation. From that, technological gadgets can predict health issues quickly
with
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and with
show examples
 high accuracy.
On the other hand
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, there are several arguments why I support the statement that the higher achievements of
technology
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 have a tendency to bring to us negative impacts. As a matter of fact, it has several cases in the world in which Al and robots try to commit fraud and respond dishonestly.
That is
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 the reason why lies will happen in their work processes, and if humans do not have awareness enough or avoid
this
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, misinformations or big problems will occur.
Besides
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, a bunch of the work of humans will be replaced by
technology
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, especially Al robots.
As a consequence
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, the unemployment rate remarkably inclines which leads to a detrimental impact on the country's sustainability. In conclusion, I would say that I am of the opinion that the development of
technology
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 leads to misinformation
due to
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 the deviation of robot systems and increases the unemployment rate of a country.

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logical structure
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for each view and your own opinion. Avoid combining different views in one paragraph unless they are being directly compared or contrasted.
logical structure
Use a range of linking words and phrases to create cohesion between sentences and across paragraphs. Without proper transition phrases, your essay might seem disconnected.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the structure of the essay and provide a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
supported main points
Develop your main points fully with explanations or examples. Your essay currently lacks detailed and specific examples to illustrate the points effectively. Consider using real-world cases or statistical information to substantiate your arguments.
complete response
Address all parts of the task including giving your own opinion. Ensure to discuss both views and provide a clear and specific position. Try not to be ambiguous in your agreement or disagreement with the views presented.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for precision and clarity in your language. Avoid overly general statements that do not add value to your argument.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. The inclusion of relevant data, research findings, or concrete examples would strengthen your essay and provide a more compelling argument.
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