Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is ubiquitous that enhancing public
health
, especially in sport
Change the noun form
sports
centres
, is the best way to provide health
infrastructure. According to
the supporter
of Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
this
statement, advanced facilities in the sport
Change the noun form
sports
centres
are the greatest solution to changing people
's lifestyles. In contrast
, the opposant
argue that allocating more funds Correct your spelling
opponents
opposite
in
new sports facilities Change preposition
to
are
a waste of Correct subject-verb agreement
is
money
. This
essay will elaborate these
contrasting views and offer the writer's opinion.
Change preposition
on these
To begin
with, every individual in this
general public is not capable of affording to attend yoga class
or joining Fix the agreement mistake
classes
gym
to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Spending Add an article
a gym
the gym
money
to open new public health
such
as sport
Change the noun form
sports
centres
is the best way to influence people
to start closely engaging in physical activities. In addition
, nowadays the government is installing new equipment and facilities around the neighbourhood and city parks to catch public attention and bring them closer to inactive lifestyles. Moreover
, it can easily be achieved by the citizens without spending huge amounts of money
. According to
the statistical data by the Ministry of Health
Republic Indonesia, 10 public parks were launched in Malang city
Capitalize word
City
as
followed by a lower level of obesity Correct word choice
apply
by
the citizens.
Change preposition
among
On the other hand
, the opposant
Correct your spelling
opponents
argue
that allocating huge Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
money
on
public Change preposition
to
health
unprovide
Correct subject-verb agreement
unprovides
the
opportunities to maintain Correct article usage
apply
people
's lifestyles. However
, opening new public centres
challenges the
affordability and accessibility issues. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, the government should regulate health
programs
, such
as balanced diet programs
and health
check up
Correct your spelling
checkup
programs
for the elderly with a wide range of medical problems.
In short, enhancing public health
and regulating health
programs
for the citizens contribute most for
the Change preposition
to
people
's health
.Submitted by rossdannisa on
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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure your ideas follow a clear, logical progression. Start with an introduction that outlines the main points of discussion, followed by focused paragraphs that elaborate on these points, and conclude with a summary that encapsulates your argument.
coherence cohesion
For the introduction and conclusion, aim to provide a clear thesis statement and restate this in the conclusion along with a summary of your main points. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
When supporting main points, develop them with specific examples and explanations. Ensure that every main idea directly contributes to the overall argument of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response by addressing both views presented in the topic statement as well as providing your own opinion. Try to fully elaborate on how each view contributes to the discussion on public health.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to make them comprehensive. Aim for each paragraph to focus on a single idea, supported by detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Statistics, facts, and anecdotes can help illustrate your points more effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?