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Band 7.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
These days, a number of people presume that
parents
 are responsible for teaching their kids to become good citizens.
In contrast
, the other side thinks that
school
 has more capability to do
this
.
Although
 the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family is an important factor in
children
’s education in terms of becoming a good person in the community. Schools can be considered a suitable place for
children
 to learn how to be good citizens. With professional teachers and standardized educational methods,
children
 are trained to develop their ability to think and take responsible action when interacting with others.
For instance
, there are a lot of well-known schools that produce students with tons of achievement.
However
, it does not represent the
overall
school
 population. Not all students are good achievers and have a huge impact on their surroundings. I believe that
parents
 have the biggest responsibility in child growth.
Children
 are likely to spend more time at home than at
school
 on a daily basis.
Parents
 can be a good example for offspring to learn about social life, how to interact with others and how to treat one another. It can be more effective for
children
 to learn by doing than in a
school
 that contains more than 10 students in a class.
For instance
,
while
 doing some activities with offspring at home,
parents
 can provide the moral value for the kids to learn. Or when visiting neighbours how can child should say and make a good impression on others. These
children
 are likely to become good parts of the community when they grow up. In conclusion,
although
 schools can be a good place for kids to become good citizens, I believe that family has a significant role in
children
’s moral growth.
Submitted by diyolory on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs that are linked together using appropriate cohesive devices. Aim to employ a wider range of these structures to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all parts of the essay contribute to the overall argument or discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
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