some people believe that cutulre will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. discuss both sides and give your own opinion
In the
modren
era, it is believed that Correct your spelling
modern
tourism
can destroy cultures
instead
of helping them while
some other groups disagree. With all due respect to the first standpoint, I fully endorse the opponents of this
issue and think tourism
can contribute to publicize
Wrong verb form
publicising
cultures
which preserve them from extinction.
To begin
with, some members of society see tourism
as a
industry that promotes rituals of particular regions. With the progress of technology and media Change the article
an
though
recent years, most individuals desire to share their Change preposition
in
experience
during their trips to both help and amuse viewers with their content. Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
Therefore
, they can play the role of free advertisements for nations and even have more influence over their fans rather than TV commercials. Thus
, velogers
can make people interested in different Correct your spelling
developers
cultures
and local outfits which is invaluable. A survey in 2021, for example
, showed that more than 60 per cent of tourists who visited Iran in that year chose Iran as their destination because of its rich culture and promotions in social media and promised to try to hold and protect it.
On the other hand
, opponents try to demonstrate drawbacks
of Correct article usage
the drawbacks
tourism
. Most members of community
in the urban areas wear similar outfits and avoid their local costumes. So, when they visit some new places, residents of that region may get interested in their clothes and abandon their own cultural costumes and old rituals. In 2021, Add an article
the community
for instance
, researchers announced that more than 20 per cent of new people had got
Verb problem
been
influence
by urban lives and left their Wrong verb form
influenced
tranditional
ways of living in that year. Correct your spelling
traditional
Additionally
, some tourists may destroy or litter historical venues which can erode cultures
in long
term and make communities Correct article usage
the long
to
forget their myths and values. Change the verb form
apply
Such
as Takht Jamshid that
is Correct pronoun usage
which
more
than Correct article usage
a more
5000 year old
spot in Iran and has Add a hyphen
5000-year-old
got
destroyed extensively by visitors during the Verb problem
been
last
45 years.
To conclude
, some groups of society believe that visitors may destroy cultures
while
others don't support this
issue. I absolutely agree with the second view and think tourism
industry can contribute and advertise old ways which Correct article usage
the tourism
helps
to preserve them.Change the verb form
help
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is important for a good 'Task Response' score. However, you should further develop your argument with more detailed examples and explanations to achieve higher scores.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your main ideas are clearly presented and that you develop them thoroughly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and you should use a range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
For higher marks in 'Coherence and Cohesion', consider organizing your ideas more logically. The progression from one idea to the next should be smooth and easy to follow. Use cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs more clearly, and ensure paragraphs have clear topic sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and clearly state the main topic and your stance on the issue. They should also summarize the key points discussed in the essay.