IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that cutulre will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #cutulre #tourism #revenue #culture
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In the
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era, it is believed that
tourism
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 can destroy
cultures
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of helping them
while
Linking Words
 some other groups disagree. With all due respect to the first standpoint, I fully endorse the opponents of
this
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 issue and think
tourism
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 can contribute to
publicize
Wrong verb form
publicising
show examples
cultures
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 which preserve them from extinction.
To begin
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 with, some members of society see
tourism
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 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 industry that promotes rituals of particular regions. With the progress of technology and media
though
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recent years, most individuals desire to share their
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 during their trips to both help and amuse viewers with their content.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can play the role of free advertisements for nations and even have more influence over their fans rather than TV commercials.
Thus
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,
velogers
Correct your spelling
developers
 can make people interested in different
cultures
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 and local outfits which is invaluable. A survey in 2021,
for example
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, showed that more than 60 per cent of tourists who visited Iran in that year chose Iran as their destination because of its rich culture and promotions in social media and promised to try to hold and protect it.
On the other hand
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, opponents try to demonstrate
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of
tourism
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. Most members of
community
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the community
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 in the urban areas wear similar outfits and avoid their local costumes. So, when they visit some new places, residents of that region may get interested in their clothes and abandon their own cultural costumes and old rituals. In 2021,
for instance
Linking Words
, researchers announced that more than 20 per cent of new people had
got
Verb problem
been
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influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
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 by urban lives and left their
tranditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 ways of living in that year.
Additionally
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, some tourists may destroy or litter historical venues which can erode
cultures
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 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term and make communities
to
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apply
show examples
forget their myths and values.
Such
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 as Takht Jamshid
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 than
5000 year old
Add a hyphen
5000-year-old
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 spot in Iran and has
got
Verb problem
been
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 destroyed extensively by visitors during the
last
Linking Words
 45 years.
To conclude
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, some groups of society believe that visitors may destroy
cultures
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while
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 others don't support
this
Linking Words
 issue. I absolutely agree with the second view and think
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry can contribute and advertise old ways which
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to preserve them.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is important for a good 'Task Response' score. However, you should further develop your argument with more detailed examples and explanations to achieve higher scores.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your main ideas are clearly presented and that you develop them thoroughly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and you should use a range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
For higher marks in 'Coherence and Cohesion', consider organizing your ideas more logically. The progression from one idea to the next should be smooth and easy to follow. Use cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs more clearly, and ensure paragraphs have clear topic sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and clearly state the main topic and your stance on the issue. They should also summarize the key points discussed in the essay.
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