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Writing Samples
Band 5

Small businesses are disappearing and being replaced by large multinational companies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#businesses #companies
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In the world of competition, when it comes to point of
business
, every scale
businesses
 focus on different perspectives. Multinational companies try to rule over the countries by replacing small and local
businesses
. In the following paragraphs, I will show my angle towards how it will bring advantages to consumers over its disadvantages. As it is in the initial phase of big chain corporations with Multi-National Companies(MNC) to be introduced into the captative market of consumers, the first big benefit for customers is that they can enjoy luxurious brands and products at their convenience. Brands of different sectors
,
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apply
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 can attract more end users rather than locals like Price, Product and Promotions. As it is already Branded,so easily available online to do research for everyone. Thinking about shoes,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 about Nike, Adidas, and Skechers
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 small vendors. Adding to
this
, it creates more job opportunities for talented folk to showcase their skills. Franchised stores work on their visions and missions, so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help employees advance their careers,
whereas
 Small
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 are behind.
On the contrary
, if
this
 continues on a giant scale, it will change the way of living and spending habits of people. Likely, in a matter of showing off, people will spend more money on unnecessary products. If we look from
economic
Add an article
the economic
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 side, a big part of income
,
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apply
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 will go outside of the country, which leads the country in a different direction. As of a report for 2014 for NDTV, it has been recorded that small
businesses
 contribute 23.5% of GDP towards
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 economy. In conclusion, it will be a good idea to let MNC companies do their
business
, but not by vanishing small
businesses
. Government should have to bring some ideas, that can support both the
business
 models.
Submitted by pateldhruv1497 on

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Introduction
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction that directly addresses the question by stating whether the advantages do indeed outweigh the disadvantages. Make sure to include a thesis statement that presents the main argument of the essay.
Paragraph Development
Develop your paragraphs with more specific topic sentences that clearly relate to the overall question. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear main idea and that subsequent sentences support that main idea.
Balance & Argument Development
Be consistent in presenting arguments. While showing both sides, make sure to weigh them against each other to comprehensively answer whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Cohesion
Improve cohesion by connecting ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas and guide the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your opinion to ensure a clear position is taken. The reader should be left with a strong sense of your overall argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Multinational companies (MNCs)
  • Economies of scale
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Market saturation
  • Local enterprise
  • Corporate monopoly
  • Globalization
  • Grassroots
  • Economic revitalization
  • Consumer choice
  • Cultural diversity
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Market dynamics
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Environmental stewardship
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