IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You have a Facebook friend living in another country and s/he is curious to learn about a major news item in your country. Write a letter to your Facebook friend. In your letter describe a news story in your country explain why people are interested in it say how the story personally relates to you You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ..., You should write at least 150 words.

#minutes #facebook #friend #country #news #item #story #people #addresses
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Dear Luci, I hope
this
 letter finds you well.I have been really busy with my studies the
last
 few weeks and because of that, I couldn't write to you much.I am writing
this
 letter today to inform you about the great event we had in our country.
Moreover
,as you know and heard from the news the famous music band called Coldplay arrived
last
 week.It was an amazing experience and you don't believe over 10 million people were there to experience it.
Also
Add a comma
,
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there were 10 songs from Christ Martin itself played and 10 songs from the band too.
As well as
 some dancing
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performances
performance
 were there.
Furthermore
, I am so lucky to
experienced
Change the form of the verb
experience
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Coldplay
Change noun form
Coldplay's
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 performance as it was one of the things on my bucket list.I went to watch with my partner and some of my friends and I posted all the videos and pictures on Facebook and hope you saw them.I think you enjoy hearing
this
 news. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours Sincerely, Anne
Submitted by wathsalathilini75 on

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greeting and closing
The letter should start with a friendly and personalized greeting that includes the friend's name to create a warm tone.
single idea per paragraph
The paragraphs lack a clear single idea focus, making the overall letter less cohesive. Each paragraph should present one main idea or point.
logical structure
The ideas in the letter could be better organized with transitional phrases and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
complete response
The description of the news story needs to be more specific about why it is major news rather than just a personal story. Include more information on its national significance.
suitable writing tone
While the tone of the writing is informal and generally suitable for a letter to a friend, ensure that the letter remains focused on the task and maintains coherence throughout.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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