IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Write about the following topic: Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #cities #crisis #land #buildings #governments #park #development
The human population continues to rise and fill the lands of our planet. Dealing with a housing crisis, some local governments from numerous big cities
consider
Wrong verb form
are considering
show examples
 reassigning
gardens
 for residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to accommodate the growing need for a place to live. In my view,
this
 is not the ideal solution as it will cause other social problems.
Firstly
, the aim of the development of
gardens
 is to create green areas to cope with the city’s pollution. As toxic gases
such
 as CO2 and Co are increased
due to
 industrial waste and vehicle residues,
people
 need a place where they can enjoy breathing the air without worrying
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 dirty air. Removing parks would make the town’s breathable area become smaller.
As a consequence
,
people
 could obtain some diseases like respiratory problems as they inhale
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
show examples
 air.
Secondly
, destroying the city’s greenery would lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visual pollution.
Gardens
 and parks are essential for
people
 to have places to enjoy with their families. As they no longer exist,
people
 would find it difficult to have recreational
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 from busting with their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Over time, it can make
people
 more stressed.
To sum up
,
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 step to rearrange
gardens
 in the city is not the best option in order to solve housing issues.
This
 would only lead to negative outcomes like diseases and
Correct article usage
a poorer
show examples
poorer
Correct article usage
a poorer
show examples
Change noun form
population
show examples
population’s
Change noun form
population
show examples
 mental health.
Submitted by muhammadrajiefarza on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. Briefly outline the arguments you plan to discuss.
Main Points
Develop your main points with more detailed examples, which can include data or personal experiences that showcase your argument's validity.
Coherence
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and show clear relationships between paragraphs and points.
Conclusion
Write a conclusion that not only summarizes the key points but also provides a final thought or recommendation based on your argument.
Task Response
Expand on the reasons for your disagreement with specific examples and evidence, rather than presenting hypothetical scenarios.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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