Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated in amusement parks for the purpose of people’s recreation. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, recreational areas can be possibly established by moving ocean
critter
from the sea to amusement parks. Since everything comes with a price, Fix the agreement mistake
critters
this
movement is seen to have its advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
with, ocean-looking parks can give exposure to people about
the lives of Change preposition
apply
creatures
in the sea. This
is aimed to deliver broader knowledge in the form of real-life depictions of underwaterwater
Correct your spelling
underwater
creatures
. The display of fishes and corals also
gives a place to escape from stressful days of work. In fact, there are numerous visitors who come to such
amusement place
on holidays. Fix the agreement mistake
places
Furthermore
, Indonesian schools often hold study tours, visiting a sea-world area such
as Ancol or Universal Aquarium. This
is because, in this
activity, students are able to experience witnessing creatures
taken from the ocean and receive knowledge from it.
On the contrary
, relocating sea creatures
can possibly violate the water
individual and the environment. For instance
, water
that is
used to fill the artificial habitat is regularly changed, causing fish to be under heavy stress and a huge amount of water
to be wasted. This
water
will also
pollute the environment as it contains salt, which is used to imitate the
real seawater. Correct article usage
apply
However
, with highly proper maintenance by professional staff, those drawbacks should be tackled.
To sum up
, watery
garden consisting of ocean organisms Correct article usage
a watery
offer
a number of benefits to human beings, especially in the area of education. There are Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
also
problems that are likely caused when it comes to environmental issues. In my view, there are actions that can be done to minimize the setbacks of this
phenomenon, which leads to the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.Submitted by narawriteshare9 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea. Avoid unnecessary repetition and aim to develop each point fully.
coherence cohesion
Work on having a more logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your introduction should provide a clear response to the question, stating whether you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion should restate your position clearly.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Be specific in your examples and how they support your argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?