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Band 4.5

Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities and centres with other people, rather than living with their adult children. What is the reason for this and what are the solutions for this?

#people #retirement #communities #centres #adult #children #reason
In the present days some senior
people
 prefer living in the retirement community and centre with other
people
 than with their
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
show examples
 sons and daughters.
This
 is
due to
 their need not only to join
people
 of their same age profile but
also
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 the mature children freedom to lead their own life.
This
 essay,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 will not only discuss the reasons for their choice but
then
 air out
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for them. It is of great benefit that after stopping working, the elderly enjoin groups and centres with other
people
firstly
, to
refreshen
Verb problem
freshen
show examples
 up after years of toiling under the sun by sharing common experiences.
Additionally
,
as a result
 of leaving their home, they leave behind full-grown children with the power of controlling and managing the home.
This
 has
moreover
, benefited the two groups in a positive way. With regard to the
forementioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
show examples
 points, it is wise to allow the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 parents
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
 freely in their
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 community facilities retiring as it comes with its advantages.
However
,
this
 should be considered
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free will as they should never be forced to join the group. As an example, circumstances should not force them to go there.
For instance
, some decide to settle there
due to
 improper care that they receive from their mature children.
To conclude
, the option for parents to leave home and join peers is perfect since they get to share common feelings and experiences and should be
put
Verb problem
taken
show examples
 into consideration as long as proper care is offered to them.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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task achievement
Expand on the points mentioned, providing relevant examples and clearer explanations to improve task achievement. For instance, discuss specific benefits that retirement communities offer and how they cater to the needs of the elderly, or explore situations where the elderly might not receive the care they need from their families.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas are logically connected. Use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Avoid repetition and aim for variety in linguistic expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement communities
  • independence
  • burden
  • specialized services
  • healthcare
  • family structures
  • engaged
  • social opportunities
  • financial feasibility
  • government support
  • in-home care services
  • intergenerational
  • workplace policies
  • subsidiary
  • community-based services
  • technology-based solutions
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