IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Social media have a negative effect do you agree or not?

#media #effect
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Most nations think that social
media
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 has a malignant effect on youth.other
people
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 think social
media
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 is crucial for our lives today. In my opinion, I think social apps have brought the worst to humanity today. In the beginning, social
media
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 trends
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
users
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 , especially
users
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 from Generation Z,to mimic what they watch on social
media
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.If a famous influencer has done something unacceptable,young
people
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 will mimic it.A prominent example is TikTok where
people
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 try to mimic any kind of videos that they see so that they can be a trend.
This
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 example shows that
users
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 are hungry for both pride and attention and these kinds of traits were absent before social
media
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.
On the other hand
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,most of content on the social
media
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 is uncensored.When youth or children watch that kind of content without any restrictions, it affects their behaviour for the worse.
For instance
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,some influencers are invading social
media
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 with false news which can affect public opinion for their purpose.What can be said is that without restrictions on content,
people
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 could spread hate and violence easily.
Moreover
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,the more youth depend on social
media
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 the more it is very hard for them to get rid of it. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has shown why social
media
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 have a negative impact on both behaviour and using false information can shift
people
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's opinions for the worse,I think
people
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 must focus more on spending their time on useful things like developing new skills
instead
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 of wasting their time on social
media
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 and it is the obligation of authorities to find ways to restrict social
media
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 and censor what
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 to
users
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 on social
media
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.
Submitted by ahmedteleb500 on

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coherence cohesion
You have made a good start with a clear position expressed in your introduction. Ensure that all your points directly relate back to your central argument for better coherence. Try to avoid repetition and consider how to logically transition between ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing relevant points and examples to support the argument. However, try to elaborate more on some points and provide a balanced view by mentioning some positive aspects of social media too.
task achievement
You have included specific examples, such as TikTok, to illustrate your points, which helps to make your argument more concrete and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state your opinion, helping to frame your essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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