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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #disgree
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From all over the world,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in bringing
people
Use synonyms
's different cultures
also
Linking Words
, we can know other's
culture
Use synonyms
 and their traditions. Some folks believe that
music
Use synonyms
 brings
people
Use synonyms
 and
culture
Use synonyms
together with
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 different ages of
people
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. I agree that
music
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 does great work to well balance all ages of
people
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.
Also
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, I believe that
music
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 can heal your inner wounds. I will explain
this
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 in detail in
this
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 essay.
People
Use synonyms
 can relax their minds by
hearing
Verb problem
listening to
show examples
music
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. There are different types of
music
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 like pop, traditional, classical etc.
Music
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 lovers listen to
music
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 that they want to hear.
For instance
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, in the old
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
people
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 liked to listen to classical songs and at that time there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Add an article
a culture
the culture
show examples
 that classical
music
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 was popular.
Moreover
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, in today's life
also
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 youngsters
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 classical songs.
Furthermore
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, there are lots of events made for classical lovers, so they join and enjoy it. From recent events, in my town, there is a musical event and I
also
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 went to enjoy
this
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 show. I see that from aged
people
Use synonyms
 to youngsters, all came to one place and had fun at
this
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 concert.During the Covid
pendamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
endemic
, all singers perform their show via a virtual platform. From old style
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 to new
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 sung and from all over the world
people
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 enjoyed from home.
For example
Linking Words
, well well-known T-series company produces different genres of
music
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hence
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, not only in India but worldwide
people
Use synonyms
 like to listen to
this
Linking Words
music
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.
Moreover
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, in India,
at the end
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 of the year, there is a sunburn event
organize
Wrong verb form
organised
show examples
,
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 all country
music
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 composers who come and bring their
culture
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 to show
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 public.
Also
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,
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the
music
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 and get to know about other traditions and follow them.In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 has the ability to bring
people
Use synonyms
 of different cultures and ages together at one stage.
Music
Use synonyms
 can break cultural barriers and unite together. It is expected that
this
Linking Words
 powerful medium will be used to unite the world together.
Submitted by Rachna Academy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is developed with relevant examples or explanations. Avoid including multiple ideas in one paragraph without fully developing each one.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words effectively to help the reader easily follow the progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure that these sections are distinct and well-developed to effectively guide the reader through your discussion.
task achievement
Response fully to all parts of the task. Develop your main points thoroughly and extend your ideas where appropriate.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Try to maintain a clear position throughout your response. Avoid contradictions or unclear statements that can confuse the reader about your stance.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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