Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #disgree

From all over the world,

music

plays a vital role in bringing

people

's different cultures

also

, we can know other's

culture

and their traditions. Some folks believe that

music

brings

people

and

culture

together with

different ages of

people

. I agree that

music

does great work to well balance all ages of

people

Also

, I believe that

music

can heal your inner wounds. I will explain

this

in detail in

this

essay.

People

can relax their minds by

hearing

Verb problem

listening to

show examples

music

. There are different types of

music

like pop, traditional, classical etc.

Music

lovers listen to

music

that they want to hear.

For instance

, in the old

era

Add a comma

era,

show examples

people

liked to listen to classical songs and at that time there

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

culture

Add an article

a culture

the culture

show examples

that classical

music

was popular.

Moreover

, in today's life

also

youngsters

Add the particle

like to

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

classical songs.

Furthermore

, there are lots of events made for classical lovers, so they join and enjoy it. From recent events, in my town, there is a musical event and I

also

went to enjoy

this

show. I see that from aged

people

to youngsters, all came to one place and had fun at

this

concert.During the Covid

pendamic

Correct your spelling

pandemic

endemic

, all singers perform their show via a virtual platform. From old style

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

to new

version

Fix the agreement mistake

versions

show examples

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

sung and from all over the world

people

enjoyed from home.

For example

, well well-known T-series company produces different genres of

music

hence

, not only in India but worldwide

people

like to listen to

this

music

Moreover

, in India,

at the end

of the year, there is a sunburn event

organize

Wrong verb form

organised

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

all country

music

composers who come and bring their

culture

to show

Indian

Correct article usage

the Indian

show examples

public.

Also

people

enjoy the

music

and get to know about other traditions and follow them.In conclusion,

music

has the ability to bring

people

of different cultures and ages together at one stage.

Music

can break cultural barriers and unite together. It is expected that

this

powerful medium will be used to unite the world together.

Submitted by Rachna Academy on Thu Feb 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

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coherence cohesion

Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words effectively to help the reader easily follow the progression of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure that these sections are distinct and well-developed to effectively guide the reader through your discussion.

task achievement

Response fully to all parts of the task. Develop your main points thoroughly and extend your ideas where appropriate.

task achievement

Use specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.

task achievement

Try to maintain a clear position throughout your response. Avoid contradictions or unclear statements that can confuse the reader about your stance.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

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A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

330 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing . Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries around the world. Why is this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of solar energy?