IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. Why does this happen? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #happen #development
In modern days, a great number of young people prefer to work and study in urban areas
instead
 of the countryside. The lack of improvement and well-being is the key reason that allows
this
 to occur.
Nevertheless
, several benefits of
this
 development ultimately outweigh its downside. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, The main advantage is that many young citizens find it more beneficial to get an education or vocation in the cities, in my view, there are plenty of reasons behind
this
 trend.
For example
, in Thailand, the criterion of transportation in urban is relatively higher which
therefore
 can result in significant fuel savings.
In addition
, urban zones provide a better health care system which can noticeably improve one’s life quality.
For instance
, downtown areas, in London
in particular
, always consist of a number of
such
 healthcare facilities as parks and hospitals.
This
 has allowed officers working in town to have a better quality of life.
This
 development, from my perspective, offers more advantages than its drawback not just because of its civilization, but because of commuting’s convenience.
On the other hand
, The most obvious disadvantage of employees working in rural regions is that they may encounter difficulty keeping up with their colleagues
as a result
 of poorer transportation
as well as
 communication facilities compared to those living in town. Meanwhile, in rural areas, they may find it difficult to get instant support when a problem arises
due to
 its negatively few services
such
 as post
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
 or
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
.
To conclude
, living in the cities dramatically enhances the
overall
 sense of well-being since the quality of life is an indispensable factor in choosing education and profession.
In addition
, many downsides
such
 as air pollution and living costs are unnoticeable compared to positive services and salaries in the cities.
Submitted by amittawin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop your ideas in each paragraph with clear and specific examples that directly relate to the topic. This will help in achieving a higher score for task achievement and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by linking your ideas more effectively. Using a wider range of linking words and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next can enhance the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with your choice of words and sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure clarity throughout the essay. Proofreading your work can help eliminate errors and improve the quality of your communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!