IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
#first #results #survey #cross-section #people #period #second #destinations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first
chart
Use synonyms
 below represents
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 of 100,000 people about their visits abroad .The second
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates their destination over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the most popular
purpuse
Correct your spelling
purpose
 of
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 abroad for
UK
Use synonyms
 residents was
holiday
Add an article
a holiday
show examples
. To commence with, the first
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that holiday time is the most popular purpose of visit for
UK
Use synonyms
 citizens,which made up 15,246 in 1994 and gradually rose in 1998
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 20,700,respectively.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 there was
noticeable
Add an article
a noticeable
show examples
 difference for other reasons which accounted for 982 in 1994 and slightly grew
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1,054 in 1998. When it comes to
Use synonyms
chart
Wrong verb form
charting
show examples
 with destinations,there were 3 most crucial destinations which were Western Europe,North America and other areas.The longest destination for
UK
Use synonyms
 people was Western
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
,which comprised 19,371 in 1994 and grew
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 24,519 in 1998.The shortest destination was North America which made up 919 in 1994 and rose
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1,823 in 1998,respectively. It may be concluded that
UK
Use synonyms
 people
some
Add a missing verb
have some
show examples
 preferences about their
purpuse
Correct your spelling
purpose
 of
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 foreign countries.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, uk with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: